Once Upon a Crime Read online

“Call off your goon!” the little man cried.

  “Let him go, Tony Fats,” Oberon said. The fairy frowned but released the squirming man.

  “Fine! But don’t expect a miracle,” the Wizard grumbled.

  “That’s what I like to hear,” the king said. He turned to his men and gestured at Sabrina and her family. “Keep them somewhere safe. We don’t want the community’s Christmas present damaged before they get it.”

  “Will do, boss,” Bobby Screwball said as Oberon marched out of the room.

  “I will need a little privacy with Puck,” Cobweb said as he opened his case. He removed several vials containing powders, a few empty glass jars, a mortar and pestle. Then he began mixing things in the mortar.

  “Everyone out,” Titania said as she exited the room. Moth and Mustardseed followed close behind, leaving the Grimms and their friends to trail reluctantly after the odd, fidgety Wizard and Oberon’s henchmen.

  The Wizard took out a silver box that looked like a remote control. He pushed some of the buttons quickly, and when an odd wheeze came out of it he shook it angrily. Then, he pushed some more and shoved it into his pocket. When he looked up he acted as if he was noticing the group for the first time. “Who are you people?”

  Bobby and Tony Fats led the family out into the hallway. Sabrina felt Daphne slip her hand into her own and squeeze tight.

  “Don’t worry,” Sabrina whispered to the little girl, wishing she could take her own advice. She had no idea what Oberon’s henchmen were capable of. Both Tony Fats and Bobby Screwball had hands as big as pumpkins. They also looked and talked as if they had seen too many mobster movies.

  “The boss wants you to wait in here,” Bobby Screwball said when he stopped at one of the many doors in the hallway. He opened it and shoved everyone roughly inside. The room was full of boxes and extra tables and chairs that matched the furnishings in the main room. The two men were preparing to leave when Sabrina spun around on them.

  “Wait a minute!” she cried. “You can’t lock us up.”

  “We can’t?” Tony Fats said to his friend. “I thought we just did.” They both laughed.

  “No, you can’t,” Mr. Canis growled as he stalked toward them.

  Tony and Bobby opened their violin cases and took out their magic wands. They waved them threateningly and Mr. Canis took a step back.

  “You’re not very nice,” Daphne said. “What kind of Everafters are you?”

  “We’re fairy godfathers,” Tony Fats said.

  “I’ve never heard of fairy godfathers.”

  “And that’s just how we like it,” Bobby Screwball replied. “Now, you sit in here and keep your mouths shut and no one will get hurt.”

  Bobby slammed the door. Sabrina rushed over and pressed her ear against it. She heard the lock turn and the men’s muffled conversation. Daphne joined her and together the two girls strained to listen.

  “Veronica was a real looker,” Bobby said.

  “She had great gams, too,” Tony added.

  “What does gams mean?” Daphne asked.

  “They liked her legs,” Sabrina replied. The men’s voices faded away.

  “This can’t be good,” Hamstead said.

  “Relda, I could easily overpower them,” Mr. Canis said.

  “And we may need you to do just that, old friend,” Granny said. “But they do have Puck and he is not well. I believe it would be wise to just wait and see what happens. I don’t believe we are in any danger.”

  “Not in any danger?” Sabrina cried. “Oberon says he’s giving us away to the Everafters. I think we should find Puck and break out of here now.”

  “I think we should stay. They seem to know Mom,” Daphne said. “Wouldn’t it be cool if she was a fairy-tale detective, too?”

  “Don’t be so gullible,” Sabrina said.

  “I’m not being gullible!” the little girl cried. “What does gullible mean?”

  “It means you believe what anyone tells you. They couldn’t have known Mom. Remember, this is Puck’s family! The Trickster King! This is all some big joke of theirs.”

  “I’m not so sure,” Granny said. “Your mother was a Grimm, after all.”

  “By marriage,” Sabrina said a little louder than she meant to. “My mom was the only normal person in this family. She would never have gotten involved with Everafters!”

  “Your mother knew about Everafters. She lived in Ferryport Landing with your dad when you were just born,” Granny said.

  “She’s right, Sabrina,” Hamstead said. “Your mother and Henry got into a number of adventures in the short time she lived with us.”

  “Adventures?” Mr. Canis grumbled. “More like near-death experiences.”

  “I think that’s why she fit into the family so nicely,” Granny Relda said with a smile. “Veronica seemed to have a healthy dose of the Grimm women’s spunk.”

  “Stop it! Stop it! Stop it!” Sabrina cried. She felt she had to defend her mother. Nobody knew Veronica better than she did! The thought that she would have chosen to get involved in the family business when she didn’t have to was ridiculous. Her mother was a normal, everyday, predictable person who enjoyed reading, museums, and her children. She was exactly what Sabrina wanted to be when she grew up.

  “Well you don’t have to be a jerkazoid about it,” Daphne snapped.

  “Jerkazoid?” Mr. Hamstead asked. Sabrina’s little sister was always coming up with unusual words that made sense only to her.

  “It’s my new word. It means her jerkiness isn’t normal—it’s superpowered.”

  Sabrina ignored the little girl’s insult and turned to her grandmother. “We should leave now,” she pleaded.

  Granny shook her head.

  Sabrina wanted to argue but she could see it was pointless. When the old woman made up her mind there was no use trying to change it.

  The family waited for over an hour in near silence. After some time, Bobby Screwball and Tony Fats brought them a supper of antipasti, salad, stuffed shells, and lemon chicken. It looked and smelled delicious, and Sabrina was starving, but she refused to take a bite, warning that it was probably poisoned. Mr. Canis sniffed it and assured her that there was nothing unusual about the food, but she still wouldn’t eat.

  Some time later, the door opened and the Wizard entered. He stepped into the room, wearing the same outfit as earlier, but he was quite a bit more frazzled. He looked as if he had spent the past hour pulling out what little hair he had left on his head.

  “I’m very sorry about this, folks,” the Wizard said.

  Mr. Canis sprang on the little man, knocking him to the ground. Fangs dipped out of this mouth and hovered dangerously close to the Wizard’s neck.

  “We have questions,” Canis growled. “And we’re tired of waiting for answers.”

  “I don’t know anything!” the Wizard cried. “I swear. Oberon sent me to retrieve you. The party is about to start.”

  Mr. Canis turned to Granny Relda who nodded. “Let him up.”

  Canis allowed the man to get to his feet. The Wizard brushed himself off, checked his neck for puncture wounds, then said, “Listen, I’m sorry this is happening but I’m just the messenger.”

  “And who exactly are you?” Hamstead asked.

  “My name is Oscar Zoroaster Phadrig Isaac Norman Henkel Emmannuel Ambroise Diggs.” He reached into his pocket, took out his silver remote, pushed a button, and waited as a business card spit out from a slot in the front. He handed it to Granny Relda.

  “The Oscar Zoroaster Phadrig Isaac Norman Henkel Emmannuel Ambroise Diggs?” she said.

  “The one and only,” the man said.

  “Are you an Everafter?” Daphne asked.

  “Yes, ma’am. My friends have been known to call me Oz.”

  Daphne let out a squeal that sounded like a scream and a snort at the same time. She jumped around in a crazy jig. When she was finished she stood shaking and giggling with the palm of her hand firmly planted between her upper
and lower teeth.

  After a minute, she removed her hand, cried “You’re my favorite,” and launched herself at the stunned man. She wrapped her arms around him, and he tightened up as if the little girl were trying to kill him rather than give him a hug.

  “Favorite what?” Oz asked.

  “Favorite everything!”

  “Well, it’s always nice to meet a fan,” he replied, struggling to free himself.

  “Don’t be too flattered,” Sabrina mumbled. “She does the same thing when the pizza delivery guy shows up at the door.”

  Granny pulled the little girl away with considerable effort.

  “I assume you all are from Ferryport Landing. We don’t get to meet too many of our neighbors from the north,” Oz said, quickly turning to Sabrina. “And I know you. You’re Sabrina. I haven’t seen you in years. Your mother used to bring you by the store all the time. I remember once we put you on Santa’s lap to get a picture and you wet your pants. Santa was furious. Oh, your mother was so embarrassed, but I found it very funny.”

  Liar! Sabrina thought, blushing. She was tired of the game the Everafters were playing with her. “My mother never worked in a store.”

  “Oh no, I work in a store, Macy’s Department Store, actually. Your mother and I were great friends. She visited me there often.” Oz turned to Daphne. “And you must be Daphne. I held you when you were no bigger than a snow pea. You both look so much like her. You are going to break a lot of hearts when you are older.”

  Daphne looked as if she was going to hug the Wizard again.

  “Are we prisoners?” Granny Relda asked, gesturing toward the door.

  Oz frowned. “The king would probably call you guests.”

  “Guests who aren’t allowed to leave this room,” Hamstead said. “Why?”

  “I’m afraid I’m in the dark as well,” Oz said. “Unfortunately, I’m the guy they call when they want something organized. They rarely tell me what it’s for. But I promise that all of our questions will be answered soon. Right now, everyone is waiting for you.”

  He led the reluctant family down the hallway and back into the restaurant. Every seat was taken. It was one of the most unusual groups of people Sabrina had ever seen. There were pirates, dwarfs, goblins, talking animals, even an enormous man-size bug wearing glasses. A sultry blonde singer whose act brought catcalls and laughter from the audience had joined the yellow-eyed piano player. She wore a shimmering sequined dress and long, white gloves, and prowled around the room flirting with the male patrons. She flashed each a warm smile.

  “She’s beautiful,” Hamstead said as he stared at the woman, dazzled.

  “And off limits, if you know what’s good for you,” Oz said. “Her name is Bess. She’s Tony Fats’s girlfriend.”

  Just then, Oberon and Titania entered the room. Mustardseed, Cobweb, Moth, and the group of leather-jacketed fairies the family had met earlier followed in behind them. Their arrival brought forth a chorus of boos and jeers from the crowd, forcing the singer and the piano player to stop their lively performance.

  “You’ve made us wait, Oberon!” an ogre shouted from his seat. “I’ve shared the same air with a Houyhnhnm for too long!”

  A horse at the back of the room booed the ogre and spit at him.

  “Why have you brought us here?” a chicken squawked from her seat. “I came all the way from Harlem.”

  “Friends, I have a present for you!” Oberon shouted as he moved through the crowd. “Christmastime comes to the Everafters.”

  The group exploded with anger. Many rose to their feet, shouting angry words about “dirty fairy tricks” and “not being fooled again.” Oberon seemed unconcerned and just flashed the girls a grin. He rushed over to them, grabbed each roughly by the arm, and dragged them onto the stage at the back of the room.

  “What’s the big idea?” Sabrina said, trying to pull away from his powerful grip.

  Oberon ignored her and turned to the crowd. “Silence!” he shouted. “Don’t you want your present?”

  Everyone sat back down.

  “Yahoo no want present from fairy,” yelled an incredibly hairy man.

  “Is that so? You don’t want the children of Veronica Grimm?” Oberon cried.

  The crowd instantly hushed. They sat motionless, watchful and suspicious. Sabrina looked over at her sister and her heart began to race.

  I knew it, she thought. They hate us here just like they do back in Ferryport Landing. They’re going to kill us.

  abrina took a deep breath and calmed herself. She had to be smart. She needed a plan to get herself and her sister out of danger. As she ran through the countless escapes they had made over the year and a half they were stuck in the foster care system, an answer popped into her head.

  “Daphne, do you remember Mr. Drisko?” she said.

  Daphne nodded.

  “Let’s give Oberon the Drisko treatment.”

  Mr. Drisko had been one of their more troubled foster parents. He was a certifiable nutcase who had made the girls share a bedroom with fifteen hyperactive ferrets. Sabrina had seen a documentary on television about ferrets. They were furry, adorable, and playful. The narrator had said they made excellent pets, but the narrator had never met Drisko’s ferrets. Sure, they were cute but they were also evil. They bit Sabrina and Daphne every chance they got. They ate Sabrina’s shoes and often relieved themselves on Daphne’s pillow. Sabrina tolerated them for the sake of her sister, who needed a warm home, but it wasn’t easy. Drisko said the ferrets were the loves of his life, and he doted on them like furry little babies. Unfortunately, Drisko’s bad back and bunion-covered feet kept him from caring for the pets, so he had taken the girls in not out of charity but so that he would have a staff to feed and bathe his herd of messy, squeaky rodents. Sadly, it all fell apart when Mr. Drisko spanked the girls for refusing to give the ferrets pedicures. That’s to say, he tried to spank them. He never laid a hand on them. He never got the chance.

  “On three,” Sabrina said.

  Daphne nodded.

  “One! Two! Three!”

  Together the girls stomped down hard on the tops of Oberon’s toes. The fairy king yelped in pain and bent over to rub his bruised feet. That’s when the girls jumped on top of him and knocked him to the floor. They followed the tackle with a technique that had never failed the Grimm sisters—relentless kicking. By the time Granny Relda reached them, the girls had Oberon cowering on the stage in a ball.

  “Are you OK, lieblings?” the old woman asked.

  “We need to get out of here. This crowd is going to tear us apart!” Sabrina cried as she took her sister and grandmother by the hand. Tony Fats and Bobby Screwball were approaching, but if the family hurried, they could escape through the club’s front door.

  “Wait a minute! Do you hear that?” Daphne said, pausing at the edge of the stage. There was an odd noise coming from the crowd. It was laughter. The Everafters were laughing so hard that many were falling out of their chairs. Others applauded and rose to their feet. Soon they were all chanting the same word over and over again.

  “Grimm! Grimm! Grimm!”

  The Wizard rushed to Oberon’s side and helped him to his feet. The fairy’s face was red with rage. Oz whispered something in Oberon’s ear and the anger drained away.

  “They’re just like their mother!” Oberon shouted as he hobbled toward the Grimm family. The crowd roared with laughter. “Turn the ovens on and prepare a feast. Tonight we celebrate the daughters of Veronica Grimm! Tonight her dream is reborn.”

  “What dream?” Sabrina asked, but no one answered. The Everafters rose to their feet and continued their chanting. They circled the girls, lifted them onto their shoulders, and marched around the supper club.

  “What’s he talking about?” Daphne asked Granny Relda, who hurried alongside.

  Granny shrugged. “Liebling, I’m a bit confused myself.”

  “What a glorious day!” Oberon cried as the crowd set the two girls down in fron
t of Oz and him, then rushed over to the bar where Momma had set down a round of celebratory drinks. “You two have no idea what you’ve done.”

  “I’m lost,” Daphne said.

  Oz responded. “I think what the king is trying to say is that your mother, Veronica Grimm, was highly respected in our little struggling community. When she was here she worked with us to keep Faerie alive. When she disappeared, well, so did the commitment to our way of life. We’ve lost our way, but you two could help put us all back on the right path.”

  “How?” Daphne said. “I’m only seven.”

  Before Oz could answer, Granny Relda spoke.

  “Oberon, we didn’t come here to get caught up in the politics of the city,” she said. “As soon as Puck is better we need to get on our way. We have business at home that needs our attention.”

  “That’s fine,” Oberon said. “You can go back to wherever you came from right after dinner. We’ll eat. We’ll drink, and then all the girls have to do is back up everything I say. Afterward, I’ll hand Puck over myself. You’ll be on your way home before midnight.”

  “What do you mean ‘back up everything’ you say?” Hamstead said, suspiciously.

  “Simple, just tell the Everafters that I’m in charge. Tell them Veronica always wanted them to recognize me as their king. Tell them that I’m supposed to lead the rebuilding of Faerie.”

  Sabrina glanced at Oz. His face suddenly darkened. He looked as if he wanted to argue but he held his tongue.

  “Oberon, I’m afraid that’s not possible,” Granny Relda said.

  Oberon scowled. “Why not!”

  “Because we don’t know if that is what Veronica wanted,” the old woman said. “We didn’t even know that she was involved with your community until this afternoon.”

  “And we have our doubts about that, too,” Sabrina said. She still wasn’t convinced that this wasn’t a mean-spirited practical joke.

  Oberon rose to his full height. His eyes flashed with anger and his mouth twisted into an ugly grimace. “You do what I tell you to do, you hear? This is too important and I don’t have time to explain it to you.”