Magic and Other Misdemeanors (The Sisters Grimm, Book 5) Read online

  "All together?" Sabrina said. "You can do that?"

  "Sure. If you combine the properties of different magical items, you can create a brand-new kind of enchantment, though you'd have to be a pretty good sorcerer to make sure it didn't blow up in your face. Combining magical items can have unpredictable side-effects. Listen, I've got to run. The teeth don't pull themselves. If you find anything, let me know."

  The witch darted down the hallway and left them alone.

  "So, what have we learned?" Daphne asked, doing a funny impression of their grandmother's German accent. Then she pretended to get out a notebook and pen and jot down notes.

  "I learned that you need no formal training to be a dentist!" Puck said.

  "The Lilliputians and the mice are no longer suspects," Sabrina said. "Neither are strong enough to rip a steel locker door off its hinges. Unless they were on steroids."

  "I'm lost," Daphne said. "Three break-ins, all done by something small and sneaky. We're going to have to go through the journals again."

  The children exited the office and found their uncle and Briar Rose exactly where they had left them in front of the cafe.

  "Any luck?" Uncle Jake asked when he finally noticed that they were waiting for him.

  "A little, but we need to get home," Sabrina said.

  The adults both frowned, but Uncle Jake eventually shrugged. He took the princess's hand and kissed it. "Until we meet again."

  "OK, enough!" Puck cried. "If I have to, I'll turn a hose on you both."

  Uncle Jake scowled. But before he could complain about them ruining his romantic moment, there was a terrible rumble, as if a tiny earthquake was erupting directly beneath the town. The tremors continued to grow in power, and then an explosion rattled the windows of the coffee shop. The noise had come from up the street. They all turned in that direction and found an unwelcome yet familiar sight. Baba Yaga and her house were stomping through town, in full view of humans. Worse, the witch was shooting buildings with fireballs emanating from one of her magic wands.

  Chapter 5

  "I want my property!" the witch shrieked.

  "Briar, you might want to get to safety," Uncle Jake said as he began digging in his pockets.

  "What about you?" Briar cried.

  "Don't worry, I'm a Grimm. This is what we do."

  Sabrina watched the princess run and wondered if she and her family should do the same. The witch was tearing through town, blasting one building after another. She screeched at the top of her lungs to be heard over the explosions and rumbling footsteps.

  "Look at her!" Puck shouted. "She's horrible! She's like my soulmate!"

  The house came to a stop outside the coffee shop and then bent down so that Uncle Jake's face and Baba Yaga's were a few feet apart. The witch breathed heavily and growled like an angry dog.

  "Let me guess. You haven't had your coffee," Uncle Jake said. "I'll run in and get you one, and you'll feel better right away. How about a muffin to go with that? I hear the blueberry is to die for."

  Baba Yaga shrieked again. "Have you got my wand, Grimm?"

  Uncle Jake shook his head sheepishly.

  "Then I will find it myself and woe to anyone who stands in my way."

  "First, who uses the word 'woe' anymore?" Jake said. "Second, are you planning on burning the town down until someone confesses?"

  Baba Yaga nodded. "Step aside, Jacob."

  "No can do. You see, this store is owned by my would-be girlfriend. I can't let you burn it down. But if you have to destroy something, the tax assessor's office is just up the block."

  Baba Yaga lifted her hands and a ball of fire appeared in them. It grew and grew and when it was as big as a beach ball, she wound up like a major-league pitcher.

  "Uh-uh," Uncle Jake said. He took a small green amulet from one of his pockets and held it above his head. A light shot out of it and rose high into the air, then arced down and slammed into the ground as if it were more than particles or waves, but one solid, heavy mass. The ground shook and a tremor rose up like a mighty ocean wave, buckling the concrete and toppling Baba Yaga's house. The hut's hideous legs flailed as it tried desperately to right itself. Unfortunately, it wasn't long before it was back on its feet and stomping around angrily. "What now?" Sabrina said.

  "What do you mean 'what now'?" Uncle Jake said. "That should have taken care of her."

  And then something happened that surprised even Baba Yaga--a thick black storm cloud appeared overhead. The wind swirled viciously, whipping across the street and ripping the awning off the front of Sacred Grounds. There was a flash of lightning and a loud explosion and then, as if they had stepped out of nowhere, a dozen men in loincloths and painted faces appeared. They were bare-chested and shoeless, and their skin was dark and tanned. A few held tomahawks in their hands, some had long spears, and others had bows and arrows. To Sabrina, they looked as if they had stepped out of the Native American exhibit at the Museum of Natural History.

  The men scanned the area and seemed to understand that the house was a threat. They trained their weapons on Baba Yaga and shouted to one another in an odd, guttural language Sabrina couldn't understand.

  One of the men bellowed and charged the house. The others followed, attacking with ferocious might. Their spears stabbed at the house's legs, causing it to hop up and down. Sabrina watched as Baba Yaga tried to cast a spell, most likely against the men, but with the house rocking back and forth so much, she couldn't keep her balance. Some of the men launched their arrows at the windows, and the witch had to dive out of the way to avoid being hit. A few of the arrows stuck into the sides of the house, and Sabrina sensed that the odd shack was in pain. Other men climbed the legs of the house, taking advantage of its confusion, and smashed their tomahawks into the walls. Pieces of wood splintered and fell to the ground.

  "Nice work," Daphne said to their uncle.

  "Uh, I didn't do this," Uncle Jake said, completely flabbergasted as he looked down at the little amulet. "At least, I don't think so."

  Nottingham raced down the street with his dagger in hand. He came to a screeching halt when he spotted the strange scene in the middle of the road.

  "Your little butter scraper isn't going to do much," Uncle Jake said to Nottingham as he pointed to the rows of burning buildings. "We've got a bigger problem now anyway. We need the Fire Department."

  Nottingham's face turned red. "That's not possible."

  "What? Why?" Sabrina demanded.

  "The Fire Department was disbanded. The mayor had to make cuts and there wasn't room for them in the budget. Charming left us with quite a debt, you know."

  "What are we going to do?" Sabrina yelled as the strange men fired another volley of arrows at Baba Yaga's shack.

  "I'll handle it." Uncle Jake fumbled around in his pockets. He took out a golden ring, placed it on his hand, then rubbed it against his coat sleeve to shine the brilliant emerald at its center. He whispered something into it and it lit up like a brilliant firecracker. A moment later the sky emptied buckets of water down on everything. There was so much rain that Sabrina could barely see her sister to grab her hand. The rain swallowed up the flames, saving the town from imminent destruction.

  When the rain slowed, Sabrina realized that the bizarre storm had vanished, along with the men and their weapons. All that was left was a bewildered Baba Yaga and her damaged home.

  "I am not finished!" Baba Yaga cried as she craned her head out of one of her broken windows. "I'll be back!"

  The house turned and stomped back down the street the way it came.

  * * *

  "Native Americans?" Granny Relda asked.

  Uncle Jake nodded. "That's what they looked like to me."

  Mr. Canis groaned. "And where are they now?"

  "They vanished the way they came--into thin air," Uncle Jake said, examining his amulet.

  "I wonder how Mayor Heart will clean up that mess without a coven of witches on her side. The Three used to take care of t
hose kinds of things when Charming was in charge," Granny said.

  "That's her problem now. We still have to deal with Baba Yaga," Mr. Canis replied. "The truth is, someone has to keep an eye on her. I should track her and make sure she doesn't get too close to the town."

  "No," Granny Relda said. "Jacob will take care of that."

  "Me?" Uncle Jake cried. "She threatened to eat me once."

  "I'll go with you," Puck said. "I'm learning a lot from the old witch."

  "Fine. Mr. Canis, I was hoping you would look after the girls," Granny suggested. "What about the case?" Daphne said.

  Granny shook her head.

  "Liebling,

  I'm afraid we're going to have to put detective work on hold. There are too many emergencies to deal with, and we can't be everywhere at the same time."

  "But--" Sabrina started, but her grandmother threw up her hands.

  "We just can't. Now, I have to get ready. Ms. White has agreed to take me to the bank. I'm applying for a loan to pay our taxes."

  Everyone darted off in his or her own direction, leaving Sabrina and Daphne alone with Mr. Canis, who didn't look at all happy to be stuck with the girls.

  "So... ," Sabrina said as she eyed the old man. His upper fangs had started to creep down his lips.

  "So," he huffed.

  "You're babysitting us, huh?"

  Mr. Canis raised his eyebrows, acknowledging his new role. "Want to play a game?" Daphne asked. "We've got Candy Land."

  Mr. Canis shifted uncomfortably.

  "No!"

  Daphne cried as she jumped to her feet. "I know what we can do. We can play dress-up!" Sabrina couldn't help but laugh.

  "Perhaps we should continue with our tracking lessons," Mr. Canis said to the girls. "Put on your boots. We still have a few hours of daylight."

  Mr. Canis led them around the back of the house and deep into the woods. The ground was muddy and there was still a chill in the air, but little buds were sprouting on tree limbs. Sabrina couldn't remember the last time she saw something growing, but soon spring would be in full bloom. Sabrina wondered what the forest would look like when it was fresh and alive.

  They climbed along a small ravine and up a hill littered with sharp stones, then down into a gulch. A tiny creek trickled along with shards of ice floating on top of it.

  "Are we about to lose the house?" Daphne asked the old man.

  "Your grandmother is a resourceful woman," Mr. Canis said.

  "That's not an answer," Sabrina said. She didn't want to anger the old man, which had become increasingly easy to do, but she needed him to be honest with them.

  "She will not let you down, girls. In the time I have known her, she has never failed or disappointed. I trust her. You should as well."

  "Three hundred thousand dollars is a lot of money," Sabrina pointed out.

  "Yes, it is," the old man replied. "Fortunately, this situation will benefit you in your training. Stress is an enemy. It confuses us and makes us question ourselves. The calm, rational mind is the one that finds answers in difficult times. Remember, you will not always have the carefree lives of children, but you will always be Grimms and you will have to find ways to set aside private matters."

  "So you want us to forget about the tax bill?" Daphne said.

  "The three-hundred-thousand-dollar tax bill?" Sabrina added. Mr. Canis took an impatient breath. "Close your eyes." The girls did as they were told.

  "In the past we have tracked deer and rabbits, as well as the family dog. You've learned to follow and recognize the prints of many wild animals. Today, you will follow the prints of the most dangerous animal of all--me. I will hide from you in this forest and you will have to use your senses and what I have taught you to find me. Your grandmother has achieved great skill at this with practice, and she uses these talents quite frequently. Remember--use your senses. Learn to trust what you see, smell, hear, and feel. Allow them to work together and you two should have no problem locating me."

  "I've got a question," Daphne said.

  There was no response.

  "Mr. Canis?"

  Sabrina opened her eyes. The old man was gone. She pinched Daphne softly and the little girl looked around.

  "Well, that was mucho rude-o," Daphne complained.

  Sabrina scanned the dense woods. Canis was nowhere in sight, but he had left a trail in the snow. Following it wouldn't be too difficult--after all, in his semialtered form Mr. Canis had what amounted to size-22 shoes.

  Sabrina pointed to the tracks. "He went that way."

  The girls followed the footprints through some heavy brush. The old man's path showed he was running in one direction and then cutting back in the other, obviously trying to confuse them.

  "Are we really going to have to live in a refrigerator box like Puck said?" Daphne asked. "I don't think we'll all fit in a refrigerator box. Mr. Canis won't for sure, and what about Elvis? I guess we could get a washing machine box for him. We could even decorate it and cut out some windows."

  The little girl rambled on, describing how with a little creativity they could turn an old cardboard box into a two-story Colonial, while Sabrina led her along the trail Mr. Canis had left. It took them up a steep climb, but they found a couple of branches that doubled as walking sticks that helped their ascent. At the top of the crest they found more trees, but Mr. Canis's footprints had disappeared.

  "Where did he go?" Daphne asked.

  "Maybe he's soaking in our cardboard-box Jacuzzi," Sabrina replied.

  "OK, fine, I'll concentrate," Daphne grumbled. "It's just I wish I had a magic wand or a crystal ball."

  Sabrina scanned the area but saw nothing. He couldn't have just vanished into thin air, but...

  "Look!" Sabrina said, pointing up at the trees. She saw dozens of limbs splintered and broken, with fresh yellow wood erupting from their rich brown bark. "He jumped up there and grabbed those branches. They snapped when he swung to the next tree."

  "I thought he was a wolf, not a monkey."

  Sabrina scanned the next tree and saw a similar limb. "Then he swung over there."

  "See!" Daphne said. "You're mucho excellent-o at tracking."

  Sabrina swelled with pride. Her sister was right. She was good at tracking. "Thanks," Sabrina said as she pointed toward a row of trees. "He went that way."

  The girls held hands and continued through the woods. It dawned on Sabrina that this was what Puck must have done when he was stalking them during escape training. He used their environment against the girls, finding the little clues their feet and bodies left behind. With a keen eye, the woods could become like a road map leading them to their destination.

  It wasn't long before they found another set of Mr. Canis's footprints that led to a churning brook. There his trail ended. Sabrina studied the banks of the stream and searched the trees but saw nothing.

  "What now?"

  "Close your eyes," Sabrina told her sister. "He told us to use all our senses."

  She stood quietly, trying to sort through the noises around her: the bubbling water, the creaky branches swaying in the breeze, a bird chirping high in the trees. And then she heard it: A twig snapped in the brush nearby.

  "He's in there," Sabrina said, pulling her sister along. They pushed through the bushes, even getting on their hands and knees to crawl through. It wasn't easy and the girls were filthy, but that was the least of their worries. Without warning the gray sky had filled with dark clouds and a storm swirled above. A crack of thunder shook the trees and bolts of lightning burst out of a black hole in the sky. It looked just like the storm that had occurred when the odd men had attacked Baba Yaga, and the one on the night Sabrina had imagined Uncle Jake's death.

  "Maybe we should call it a day," Sabrina said as she examined the troubling storm. She turned to crawl back the way they came. Once through the bushes, she struggled to her feet and helped her sister do the same.

  "Mr. Canis!" Daphne shouted. "We're going home!"

  "A
storm is coming!" Sabrina shouted. "Can you hear us, Mr. Canis?"

  "I don't know if Canis can hear you," a growling voice said from within the bushes, "but I certainly can."

  Sabrina studied the brush, trying to find the source of the strange, yet familiar voice. She heard rough laughter that seemed to come at them from all sides. Finally she spotted a pair of eyes peering back at her, and then a monstrous figure pushed forward, uprooting an unfortunate tree that was in its way. When the creature was out in the open, Sabrina nearly screamed. Standing before her was a wolf as big as a grizzly bear, though it stood on its two back legs like a man. It snarled and snapped at Sabrina as it looked over the girls curiously.

  "The Wolf," Daphne gasped.

  The girls stumbled backward and fell to the ground. Sabrina's mind was reeling. What had happened to cause Mr. Canis to lose control of himself? Why had he let the Big Bad Wolf loose?

  The Wolf stomped forward, shoving its snout into Daphne's face and blasting her with a foul spray.

  "Don't try to run, girlie!" the Wolf said as he snatched Daphne by her coat and lifted her off the ground. "You'll just build up my appetite."

  Sabrina was terrified, but she couldn't let her sister be hurt. She leaped to her feet and rushed at the Wolf with her fists clenched. She was met with a painful backhand that sent her slamming into the ground. Her shoulder fell hard on a stone. She cried out and forced herself to stand. Her arm didn't feel broken, but the pain was excruciating. She knew fighting was pointless.

  The Wolf is too big and strong, but I have to do something.

  She spotted a sharp black rock on the ground, snatched it up, aimed, and flung it as hard as she could. It hit the Wolf and bounced off his chest like she had tossed a peanut at him.

  "Was that supposed to hurt?" He laughed.

  "No!" a voice said from behind Sabrina. "But I bet this will!"

  A flaming rocket blasted past Sabrina and hit the Wolf squarely in the chest. He howled and fell backward, releasing Daphne, who tumbled to the ground. Sabrina rushed to her sister's side and dragged her away, then turned to find out who had saved them. Two women were standing behind her. One was tall and fierce with long blond hair and a deadly looking sword in her hands, as well as an array of weapons strapped around her waist and legs, including daggers, grenades, and a whip. The other woman had dark brown hair and wore a long trench coat that had hundreds of extra pockets sewn into it. It looked just like Uncle Jake's coat. The brown-haired woman was also adorned with necklaces and jeweled rings, one of which was glowing. Her expression was stern and serious, like hardened steel. She was beautiful, but her face was marred by a horrible scar.