The Problem Child Page 6

  “I can’t believe you two won’t even consider it,” Hamstead complained.

  “Listen Ernest,” Swineheart said, spinning around to face his former boss. “There’s a reason why we didn’t invite you to be a partner in our construction company. You’re obsessed with straw. This new school is made entirely out of wood and brick!”

  “I’m just saying that straw has come a long way,” Hamstead said. “It has all kinds of practical applications. It’s the building material of the future.”

  “I’d agree if we were building something that was supposed to blow away,” Boarman said. “A kite, for instance, would be perfect, but we’re building a school, and one that sits very close to a river, too. One thunderstorm with twenty-mile-an-hour winds would knock a straw building over just like that.”

  The two rotund men walked away, leaving Hamstead to chase after them.

  Just then, Mayor Charming climbed onto the stage and stood at the podium. He tapped on the microphone and smiled widely. “Fine citizens of Ferryport Landing. Welcome to a new era in our town’s education.”

  “I don’t know why everyone is celebrating,” Puck said loudly. “Opening a new school should be cause for a national day of mourning.”

  The entire audience turned to look at the boy fairy. He grinned broadly and waved. The mayor, on the other hand, bit down on his lip and tried to control his anger before he continued.

  “I’d like to thank some of the community organizations that made this event possible. First, let’s hear a round of applause for our cosponsors and hosts of today’s celebration—Fairy Godmothers Against Drunk Driving.”

  Several blue-haired ladies in fluffy dresses floated into the air, kept aloft by the little flapping wings on their backs. They all wore T-shirts with FGMADD on them. The crowd applauded as the fairies fluttered around the room.

  “I also want to thank the League of Wiccan Voters, the National Association for the Advancement of Handsome Princes, Big Brothers and Ugly Stepsisters of America, and Everafters for the Ethical Treatment of Talking Animals. Their hard work and dedication to this important project has been vital to its success.”

  The crowd applauded again.

  “When Ferryport Landing Elementary was destroyed four days ago, I came out to this site and do you know what I heard?”

  There was a brief silence and then a loud, squeaky fart. Sabrina turned and saw Puck fall over with laughter. For once, one of his childish pranks was well timed. Ruin Charming’s stupid little event! Sabrina secretly cheered. I’m starting to enjoy evil Puck!

  “I heard the future calling,” Charming said angrily. He regained his composure and started again. “And I saw an opportunity for our children. When I talk about our children I don’t mean the children of everyone in this town. I’m talking about Everafter children. For far too long there has been no room for them at the head of the class. This new school represents an end to that.”

  The crowd roared with approval.

  “I have personally overseen this project, supervising the work, even rolling up my sleeves and picking up a shovel to help out,” Charming said, causing some in the audience to laugh good-naturedly. “Boarman and Swineheart Construction have done an amazing job.”

  “It’s Swineheart and Boarman Construction,” Swineheart shouted.

  “No, it’s not. It’s Boarman and Swineheart Construction,” his partner argued.

  Charming cleared his throat and the bickering ended.

  “And we couldn’t have done any of this without the generous donations of our town’s three wealthiest families. Everyone give a round of applause to Little Miss Muffet and the spider—I mean, Mr. and Mrs. Harry Arachnid—Beauty and the Beast, and of course, the Frog Prince and his lovely princess.”

  The three couples stood off to the side, obviously fuming but doing their best to hide it. They waved half-heartedly to the crowd. Sabrina was sure their “generous donations” were little more than bribes to keep them out of prison. Only a few days earlier the Grimms had discovered that these “wealthy donors” had gotten rich selling their Everafter children to Rumpelstiltskin.

  “Some people asked me, ‘Mayor Charming, what’s the big deal? There are only a few Everafter children in this town. Why make all the fuss?’ Well, I’ll tell you why I’m making a fuss. Because you people elected me to make a fuss!”

  He was again met with wild applause.

  “The new school will have separate, exclusive classes for Everafter children that will teach our heritage, traditions, and values. It will feature a cafeteria offering lunches that meet the special dietary needs of our unique offspring. And lastly, it will be named after one of our own. From this day forward the children of Ferryport Landing, whether human or Everafter, will learn in a school named after the most famous Everafter of all time. Ladies and gentleman I proudly present to you Ferryport Landing’s answer to the call of the future . . .”

  Mr. Seven tugged on a large curtain behind the mayor. It fell to the floor, revealing a banner that read WILLIAM CHARMING ELEMENTARY. Below it was a huge bronze statue of the mayor standing with his chest puffed out and a wide grin on his face. Several frightened-looking children crouched at his feet, gazing up at him as if he were their only hope for survival.

  The room was silent; then the grumbling began. Only Mr. Seven clapped, and he did it desperately, as if he feared for his job.

  Suddenly, Sabrina was shoved from behind. A group of people were forcing their way through the crowd and up to the podium. A chubby woman wearing a long red dress and a golden crown climbed up on the stage and snatched the microphone out of the mayor’s hand. Her face was covered in white powder and a little black birthmark had been drawn on her right cheek. Beside her was a small army of men in colorful uniforms. When Sabrina examined them more closely, she was shocked to discover their bodies were actually playing cards. The Queen of Hearts had arrived.

  “I don’t see any cause to celebrate,” the queen said. “Having to rebuild this school is an unacceptable waste of taxpayer money and you, Mayor Charming, are to blame!”

  Charming was startled but quickly recovered, and smiled widely at the irate woman. “Mrs. Heart, we’re not here to debate policy. We’re here to dedicate this wonderful new school to the youth of this town.”

  Mr. Seven clapped again, alone.

  “The school wouldn’t have had to be rebuilt if it weren’t for you,” the queen said as she turned to the crowd. “Everafters of Ferryport Landing, this sorry excuse for a mayor has let us down once again. In the last month we’ve had a giant run amok and cause property damage that has yet to be repaired. Our police force has been reduced to one pig, and public services, utilities, and infrastructure have fallen to the wayside. Four days ago, a perfectly good elementary school was blown to smithereens, and you are footing the bill. This man is completely incompetent.”

  “What’s incompetent mean?” Daphne asked.

  “It means he’s not good at his job,” Sabrina replied.

  “Ferryport Landing has been in a bit of a budget crisis of late,” the mayor said, looking defensive. “I have done the best I could with the resources at hand.”

  “Is that good enough for us?” the queen cried. Several people in the audience grumbled. A few even shouted “No!”

  “No, it’s not good enough!” the queen shouted. “But people, you don’t even know the worst of it. Mayor Charming laid off two thirds of the police force so he could deputize the Grimms!”

  A gasp went through the crowd.

  “That’s not exactly what happened,” Charming said, smiling with gritted teeth.

  “So you didn’t deputize the Grimms?”

  “Well, yes I did,” the mayor said, as another gasp ran through the audience. “We were having an emergency. Rumpelstiltskin was going to . . . he built tunnels . . . the Grimms have special talents . . .” Charming was obviously rattled.

  “So, now the only people who can solve Everafter problems are humans? You heard i
t yourself, folks. Your elected leader thinks that we can’t govern ourselves, that we need help from humans, and not just any humans,” the queen raged, “but the family that is responsible for our imprisonment!” She turned and pointed an ugly finger right at Granny Relda and the girls, “The Grimms!”

  Sabrina gasped. Never had she had so much rage aimed at her and her family. She’d gotten used to knowing that most people in the town disliked them, but the queen’s anger was rabid, and worse, it was infecting the crowd. Everywhere she looked furious eyes stared back at them. Instinctively, Sabrina stepped forward, putting herself between the crowd and her family.

  “Mrs. Heart, I won’t have you stand up here and tell this crowd that I’m a fan of the Grimms,” Charming said. “No one despises that family more than I do!”

  “Hey!” Daphne shouted. “We can hear you, ya know!”

  The queen continued to rant. “Who knows how much influence Relda and her brood have over the mayor’s office? Are they making our laws, too? I think it’s time for a change. I think it’s time for a new vision. We don’t need a person who squanders the community’s money and betrays its citizens by dealing with the Grimms. I for one have had enough!”

  The words were so hateful that Sabrina jumped back in shock. Even Granny looked stunned by their ferocity.

  “Today I’m announcing my candidacy for mayor of Ferryport Landing!” the Queen of Hearts declared. “And let me introduce you to the man who will become Ferryport Landing’s new sheriff once I’m elected. He’s a man of integrity—a man with centuries of experience—a man with a legitimate and respected career in law enforcement. Ladies and gentleman, allow me to introduce you to Sheriff Nottingham!”

  A tall, broad-shouldered man with a handlebar mustache and long curly, black hair climbed to the stage. Despite a profound limp in his right leg, he was all aggression, from the deadly sneer on his lips to the long scar on his cheek to the clenched fists at his side. He looked at the crowd, unable at first to hide his disgust with all of them, and then forced an insincere smile to his face.

  Several people cheered. “Maybe we should go,” Granny Relda said to the girls.

  “I agree,” someone said. “Why are you even here? This celebration is for Everafters.” The family spun around and saw a large group of Munchkins gathering nearby. Their leader’s eyes flared with rage.

  “I have as much right to be here as you do,” Granny Relda replied tartly. “My family has been here as long as any Everafter.”

  “It’ssss your fault we’re trapped here in thissss town,” an enormous boa constrictor said as it slithered along the floor toward the Grimms.

  An old witch hobbled toward them pointing her gnarly finger at the family. “Charming has been giving you Grimms a free ride for far too long. The queen is right. It’s time for a change.”

  A small crowd of beasties, hobgoblins, and elves formed a tight circle around the family, cutting off their escape and any chance of help from friendly Everafters. “We’ve had enough!” a crow as big as a dog squawked. “The only thing that has kept you safe until now is the Big Bad Wolf. Now that your mongrel is dead and gone, what will you do?”

  Daphne grabbed Puck’s arm. “Do something!”

  “Sorry, marshmallow. I told you. I’m back to being sinister.”

  Sabrina grabbed her sister’s arm. “Leave him alone. He doesn’t care about anyone but himself.”

  Daphne pulled away from Sabrina and faced Puck again. “Well, if we get killed you’ll have no one to annoy all day long.”

  The boy cocked a curious eyebrow and nodded his head. His wings spread and he drew his sword.

  “Back off you filthy trash-muncher!” he said to the crow. “The Grimms are mine to torment. Take another step and you’ll be wishing the Wolf were still alive.”

  A cyclops stepped forward and cracked his knuckles. “Boy, I will pound you into pudding.”

  “You dare mock me!” Puck fumed as his arms morphed into those of a gorilla’s. He pulled back and hit the cyclops right in the belly, sending him flying backward. The monster knocked Everafters over like bowling pins.

  “Who’s next?” the boy crowed. “Who thinks they can take on the Trickster King?”

  Just then, a small, angry old man standing nearby began to grow in size. His clothing ripped, exposing a sickening green skin underneath. His cane morphed into an ugly, blood-smeared club that was nearly as big as the cyclops Puck had just flattened. He was a troll and the largest one Sabrina had ever seen. Worse, he was the angriest one she’d ever seen, too.

  Everafters scattered in all directions as he stepped through the crowd.

  “Come here, meat!” he growled.

  “You are about to suffer one of the worst beatings of your life, troll,” Puck said without flinching. “Run while you can. The Prince of Faerie isn’t some billy goat you can scare off your bridge.”

  “Fairy, I’m going to rip you limb from limb and suck on your bones!” the troll roared.

  “You don’t know how many times I hear that in a day,” Puck said. He swung his sword around and smacked the troll in the belly, with little effect. The monster looked more annoyed than hurt. With lightning-fast reflexes the brute lunged forward and knocked Puck to the ground, then sat hunched over the boy, flashing his horrible drool-dripping teeth. His neck muscles clenched as he prepared to feast on the boy. But suddenly there was a popping sound and Sabrina looked up to see a man materialize from thin air high above the gymnasium floor. He fell hard and fast, landing on top of the troll. The creature grunted with surprise, then bucked and kicked as he tried to remove his unwanted passenger, but the strange man held on. He reached into his overcoat and removed a small ring that he slipped onto his finger. He said a few unintelligible words and a cloud of black smoke swirled around the monster’s head, blinding him.

  “That’s just about enough, Howard!” the stranger shouted at the troll. “Now, calm down or I’m going to get rough!”

  The troll stumbled around, unable to see. He inadvertently knocked over the statue of Charming and it fell to the ground. Its head broke off and rolled across the floor.

  “Turn your magic off, sorcerer!” the troll cried.

  “Are you going to be a good boy?” the stranger demanded.

  Howard the troll nodded. “Yes!”

  The man said a few more words in the odd language and the cloud of smoke surrounding the brute’s head vanished.

  “Now go home and stay there until you’ve learned some manners,” the man said to the hulking figure. “What would your wife think of your behavior?”

  The troll lowered his eyes in shame and, along with several other Everafters, exited the gymnasium.

  Daphne grabbed Sabrina’s hand. “That’s the man from last night,” she whispered. Sabrina eyed the stranger closely. Her sister was right. The lunatic who had attacked them the night before had just saved their lives. Now he rushed over to the family and took Granny Relda into his arms. Sabrina watched dumbfounded as he gave the old woman a huge hug and a kiss on the cheek.

  “Are you OK, Mom?”

  “Mom?” Sabrina, Daphne, and Puck cried at the same time.

  “I’m fine, Jacob,” Granny replied.

  he man hugged Granny Relda tightly and lifted her off her feet.

  “Jacob, put me down.” She laughed. “I’m an old woman.”

  The man set her back down. “You’re not so old,” he said.

  “You look so thin! And what happened to your nose? It’s broken!”

  The man shuffled his feet like a schoolboy who has been caught placing a tack on his teacher’s seat.

  “Jacob! What did you do?” Granny asked, trying to sound stern while wiping tears of joy from her cheeks.

  “It was nothing—just a little misunderstanding with a frost giant in Nepal. I think it makes me look rugged.”

  Puck stepped between the two and shoved his sword under the man’s chin. “Step away from the old lady or I’ll run you through.
”

  “Puck, this is my son,” Granny said, pulling the boy away.

  “Your son!” the girls cried.

  “Yes, your Uncle Jacob,” the old woman said.

  “Call me Uncle Jake,” said the man, opening his arms for a hug the girls didn’t deliver. Sabrina was stunned. For the second time in less than two months the sisters had been introduced to a family member who they hadn’t known existed.

  “Henry didn’t tell them about me?” the man said, seeming to read the girls’ minds.

  “Henry didn’t tell them about me, either,” Granny Relda said.

  “Well, I’m finally happy to meet you,” said the man with a wink that told them he knew the previous night’s encounter was a secret.

  “You must be Daphne,” he said. “You’ve got Hank’s grin.”

  “Hank?” Daphne asked.

  “That’s what we used to call your dad when he was younger,” Uncle Jake said turning to Sabrina. “And that means you’re . . . Sabrina. I am curious. Is the mustache and goatee some kind of fad I am unaware of, or did you lose a bet?”

  Sabrina scowled and pulled her scarf back up to her nose.

  “Just kidding, peanut,” the man said with a laugh.

  “My name is Sabrina,” she said.

  “Sorry, I can’t help but give people nicknames.”

  “I want a nickname!” Daphne cried.

  “How about shortstop?” Uncle Jake said, reaching down and ruffling the little girl’s hair. Daphne giggled like she’d just gotten a Christmas present.

  “And this is Puck,” Granny said. She had her hands on the boy’s shoulders like he was one of her own.

  “I didn’t need your help,” Puck grunted at Uncle Jake before he could say hello. “I had everything under control.”