Magic and Other Misdemeanors Read online

  “All little girls have them,” Mirror said with a smile.

  “Not me,” Sabrina said.

  Mirror chuckled. “Of course not. You’re rough and tough.”

  “You bet I am,” she said, ignoring his teasing. Mirror had become a good friend since she and her sister had moved in with their grandmother. Unlike other enchanted items, the magic mirror was also a person—flesh and blood, though he couldn’t leave the confines of the great hall inside his reflection. He had become a confidant to Sabrina, and she turned to him more than anyone else. He always seemed to understand how she felt.

  “By the way, you haven’t told me what you want for your birthday yet. It’s four days away,” he said. “It’s not easy to shop when you’re trapped inside a mirror. My computer is still on dial-up.”

  “The only thing I want is to find a way to wake them up,” Sabrina said, looking at her parents.

  Mirror shook his head pityingly. “It’ll happen, sugarplum. Now, you better get downstairs. I hear people arriving, and you’ve got to keep an eye on your uncle. He’s also going through a princess phase, from what I’m told.”

  Sabrina laughed. “That’s Uncle Jake. He’s girl-crazy.”

  Mirror’s head faded from the reflection. Sabrina leaned over, kissed her mom and dad each on the cheek, and got up from the bed. “We’re going to wake you up,” she told them. “I promise.”

  he house was filled with guests, most of whom were very unusual. Among the crowd were witches, princesses, a dwarf, and a few knights of the round table. Everyone was munching on snacks and drinking punch.

  In one corner Sabrina saw a trio of women known as the Three. They were a coven of witches who used to work for the former mayor of Ferryport Landing. They used magic to cover up things the Everafters didn’t want the town’s human population to see. One of the women was Glinda the Good Witch, whose life was chronicled in L. Frank Baum’s The Wizard of Oz. She wore an emerald green pantsuit and held a wand with a crystal star on its end. The second woman looked like she was a million years old. Her name was Frau Pfefferkuchenhaus, otherwise known as the witch from the Hansel and Gretel story. Rounding out the group was the exotic and beautiful Morgan le Fay, famous for her part in the story of King Arthur. The Three were enjoying some crackers and soft cheeses while talking about something that had happened on a televised dancing contest.

  In another corner was a diminutive man in a black suit whom Sabrina had met on many occasions. Mr. Seven, as he was called, was better known as one of the seven dwarfs. Like the Three, he used to work for the mayor. Mr. Seven ate from a tray of green cookies set out on the dining room table. As Sabrina watched him, she felt something about him was different. It took a minute to realize that he wasn’t wearing the dunce hat his former boss had always made him wear.

  Sabrina turned her attention to Daphne, who was sitting on the family’s sofa wearing a shiny sequined tiara. Elvis, the family’s two-hundred-pound Great Dane, lay on the floor, resting his massive head in Daphne’s lap. Snow White sat next to them. Looking at the beautiful woman was like looking at the sunrise for too long. Ms. White was tall and lean with skin like porcelain and eyes as blue as the sky. Sabrina wondered how many car accidents Ms. White had inadvertently caused when drivers took their eyes off the road to catch a glimpse of her walking down the street. Besides her incredible looks, Ms. White was a kind and caring person, as well as an expert in judo, karate, kickboxing, and bow-staff fighting. She came to the Grimm house three times a week to train the girls in self-defense. Like Mr. Seven and the Three, Ms. White was out of work, so she had plenty of free time. Ever since the new mayor took office, the school where she used to teach had been closed, and there was no news of when it would reopen.

  Unfortunately, the last three months had not been easy for Snow White. In addition to being unemployed, she was also suffering from a broken heart. After she reconciled with her former fiancé, Prince Charming, the couple looked as if they were headed down the aisle at last. But Charming had disappeared after he lost his re-election bid for mayor. Granny and the girls had searched high and low for him, but it was as if William “Billy” Charming had ceased to exist. Ms. White was upset, but now she seemed particularly distraught.

  “Hello, Ms. White,” Sabrina said.

  “Huh? Oh, I’m sorry, Sabrina. Did you say something?” Ms. White asked.

  “She’s a little freaked out,” Daphne said, pointing across the room.

  Sabrina turned and spotted another breathtaking woman standing with two plump fairy godmothers. Her name was Briar Rose, though most knew her as Sleeping Beauty. She had a dark honey complexion and eyes like hot chocolate. Her ever-present smile was soft and she was a bit shy. She had been visiting the family a lot lately. Uncle Jake had asked her for help finding a cure for Henry and Veronica, and Ms. Rose said she was happy to try. Sabrina knew her uncle had a crazy crush on the princess, but unfortunately, Ms. Rose never went anywhere without her overprotective fairy godmothers, Buzzflower and Mallobarb. The fairy duo had made it clear to Uncle Jake that they would not allow Briar to date him until he cut his hair and became royalty. Sabrina knew there was little chance of either happening.

  “Why? What’s wrong with Ms. Rose?” Sabrina asked her sister.

  “Charming used to be married to her,” Daphne whispered.

  “Awkward,” Sabrina whispered back.

  “I think I need some wine. Who wants some wine?” Snow White offered as she got to her feet.

  “Um, I’m seven,” Daphne said.

  “Of course you are,” Snow White said, walking toward the kitchen.

  Uncle Jake strutted into the room and over to Ms. Rose. At once Buzzflower and Mallobarb stepped between them, blocking Jake as if they were linebackers protecting a star quarterback.

  “Poor Uncle Jake,” Sabrina said.

  “He’s got the googly eyes for Briar,” Daphne replied as she gave Elvis’s ears a good scratching. The big dog’s back leg tapped the floor happily. “You know what? I think we need to find Elvis a girlfriend.”

  Elvis snorted, got up with a grunt, and skulked out of the room.

  “What did I say?” Daphne cried.

  “I guess he’s a bachelor,” Sabrina said.

  Someone knocked on the door, and Granny rushed through the room to answer it. Sabrina and Daphne watched as a sun-soaked blond woman and an elderly man with a cane entered the house. Sabrina didn’t recognize either of them.

  “Cindy! Tom! What a pleasant surprise. Please come in,” Granny said. “Let me take your jackets.”

  Cindy was another rare beauty. She had a button nose and high, freckled cheekbones and a smile so bright it seemed to block out the rest of her face. Tom, on the other hand, was well into his eighties, with a gaunt face and shaking hands. He leaned on his long brown cane and held a leather satchel close to his body. He wore a tweed jacket and an old-fashioned felt hat.

  “I hope we’re not intruding,” Cindy said.

  “I heard about the get-together and I insisted we come over. I thought we might be able to help,” Tom offered.

  “The more the merrier,” Granny said cheerfully.

  “And if we can’t help, at least we can do the dishes at the end of the night,” Tom said as he set his bag on the floor near the couch.

  “Cindy, Tom, I think you know everyone here but my granddaughters,” Granny Relda said, gesturing at the girls. “Sabrina, Daphne, this is Mr. Baxter and his wife, Dr. Baxter.”

  “Are you Everafters?” Daphne said, shaking the old man’s hand.

  Tom laughed. “Alas no, but my wife falls into that category.”

  Daphne cocked her eyebrow and gazed at the woman.

  “I’m Cinderella,” Cindy said as if slightly embarrassed.

  Daphne let out a squeal so loud that everyone in the house fell silent. Even Elvis rushed back into the room and looked around wildly.

  “Sorry,” Sabrina said to the crowd. “She was dropped on her head when she was
little.”

  Daphne inserted the palm of her hand into her mouth and bit down on it. It was one of the odd quirks she displayed when she was excited or happy or both.

  “Yobubbaingalllah,” Daphne said.

  “Pardon?” Cindy said.

  Daphne removed her palm. “I’m so excited I might barf!”

  Cindy smiled. “It’s very nice to meet you girls. Your father was—I mean, is—one of my favorite people.”

  “He has such a kind spirit,” Tom added.

  “We’re big fans too,” Sabrina said, shaking the man’s hand.

  “Cindy hosts a radio show here in town,” Granny explained. “Or should I be calling you Dr. Cindy?”

  “Cindy’s fine,” the woman said with a laugh.

  “We’ve got good news. We’re about to go national,” Tom said proudly. “Soon The Dr. Cindy Show will be giving advice to people all over the country.”

  “What kind of advice?” Sabrina asked.

  “My specialty is family issues,” Cindy replied. “I had a bit of a rough childhood, and I use my experiences to help families get along.”

  Elvis trotted over to the old man’s bag, sniffed it, and let out a whine. Granny grabbed him by the collar and pulled him away. “Elvis, behave,” she said. The dog let out a little grunt but did as he was told.

  While Granny put Elvis in the kitchen, Sabrina watched the old man slip his hand into his wife’s. He looked at her the way someone looks at a beautiful waterfall. Sabrina had seen that look on her parents’ faces and in the photographs of her grandmother and grandfather. Cindy looked back at her husband with the same expression. They’ve got the googly eyes, Sabrina thought.

  Puck made his entrance in typical fashion. He stepped into the middle of the room and let out a tremendous belch. “I’m here!” he shouted, as if the crowd had been waiting for his arrival. When no one responded, he turned to Sabrina.

  “I’m not a happy camper. I look like a fool,” he said. He was wearing the shirt Granny Relda had asked him to wear. It had a little happy alligator on it, but Puck had taken a magic marker and written I EAT PEOPLE in a talk balloon above its head.

  “It’s a nice shirt,” Sabrina said, trying to cheer the boy up.

  Puck sneered. “‘It’s a nice shirt,’” he mocked. “I am the most diabolical villain in the history of the world. I have caused chaos and disaster everywhere I have gone. I have brought nations to their knees. I can’t be seen in this shirt. For one, the alligator is smiling. If you wish me to wear a shirt with a man-eating beast on it, the beast should be eating a man, or at least a bear or something equally vicious. This alligator looks as if it’s ready for some birthday cake. If Jonas the Betrayer saw me, I would never live it down.”

  “Jonas the Betrayer?” Daphne asked.

  Sabrina shrugged.

  “Well, I think we are all here,” Granny said before Puck could continue his tirade. She stood in the center of the living room and called for everyone’s attention. “I appreciate each one of you for taking the time to come and offer your suggestions for our dilemma. I know that you are all very busy, and it’s not exactly a good time to be talking to a Grimm.”

  “Mayor Heart isn’t going to tell us who we can talk to,” Morgan le Fay said.

  The crowd murmured in agreement.

  “Thank you,” Granny said. “As you all know, my family has a reputation as problem-solvers. Many of you have come to us for help. Now, we have a problem and we are turning to you. Tonight I’m asking you to put your heads together and find a way around the spell keeping my son and his wife asleep.”

  Just then, there was another knock at the door.

  “Oh, a late arrival. Sabrina, could you answer that for me?” Granny asked.

  Sabrina hurried to the door, not wanting to miss a second of the meeting. She threw the door open but nearly fell backward when she saw who was waiting on the other side. A decrepit old woman dressed in filthy rags peered at her through bushy white eyebrows. She smelled of death. Behind her a rundown shack resting on top of two enormous chicken legs paced back and forth around the family’s yard.

  “Baba Yaga!” Sabrina gasped.

  The old crone eyed Sabrina with a hot and angry stare. Every wrinkle, wart, and scar seemed to convey the witch’s bitter hatred.

  “I was invited,” she growled as she pushed past Sabrina to enter the house. A fold of Baba Yaga’s black gown brushed across Sabrina’s hand and made her fingers feel as if she had plunged them into a pot of boiling water.

  Sabrina closed the door and followed the witch into the living room. Baba Yaga’s arrival caused a few of the guests to shuffle uncomfortably. A few even cried out, startled by the hateful woman’s presence, but Granny Relda welcomed the old crone warmly and reminded everyone that Baba Yaga was wise to a number of magical secrets. After some grumbling, the guests agreed.

  So the odd little party began. The guests discussed every option they could think of. They went up and down the stairs, peeking in on Sabrina’s dozing parents, suggesting this spell and that potion, recommending a number of spirits and ancient druidic incantations. Granny Relda followed everyone around, jotting down every idea in the spiral-bound notebook she always kept handy. Mr. Seven suggested that if Charming could be found, he might be the key to waking them up, as his kiss had a reputation for breaking sleeping spells. Sabrina was willing to give it a try until Briar mentioned that the touch of Charming’s lips might also make Veronica Grimm fall madly in love with him—as it had done with her. Blushing, Snow White and Cinderella both agreed. It was decided that Charming should be a last resort, as it seemed that his remedy was a package deal. And unless the girls wanted him as a new stepfather, they had to look for another solution.

  As the day turned into night the suggestions petered out. And then the meeting was over. The green cookies were eaten and the punch bowl was emptied. The guests wished the Grimms luck and flew off into the night (some literally), and soon the family was alone again, with no surefire solution.

  Discouraged, Sabrina crept up to bed. Uncle Jake followed her up the steps with Daphne cradled in his arms. The little girl was sound asleep. Her tiara had slipped down around her neck.

  “We’re not giving up, ’Brina,” Uncle Jake whispered as Sabrina crawled into bed.

  “I know,” Sabrina said, doing her best imitation of a positive attitude.

  Her uncle flipped off the light and closed the door. Sabrina lay waiting for her eyes to adjust to the darkness, waiting to see the little model airplanes that her father had made when he was a boy, waiting for the slope of the ceiling to come into view. She closed her eyes tight and fought back a tear. She was so tired of waiting.

  Sabrina wasn’t sure what time it was when she was roused from a deep sleep by someone banging on the door downstairs. She looked over at her snoring sister and crawled out of bed.

  “I’ll get it,” she grumbled.

  She crossed the room and went down the steps, feeling the cool hardwood floor beneath her feet. With every step the knocking grew louder and more insistent. As Sabrina turned the doorknob it occurred to her that maybe she should let an adult open the door in the middle of the night. But it was too late. She was already face-to-face with Baba Yaga.

  “Did you forget your purse or something?” Sabrina asked.

  “You are a thief!” the witch said, pointing her withered finger at Sabrina. Suddenly, an unseen force snatched the girl around the neck and yanked her out of the house and off the ground. “Give it back to me, or I’ll break your bones like kindling and feast on their marrow.”

  With the invisible viselike grip choking her, Sabrina couldn’t breathe, let alone deny the witch’s accusation. Helpless and lightheaded, she dangled above the ground with her legs kicking wildly.

  “If you return what you took, I promise to kill you quickly,” Baba Yaga added.

  “Hag, Sabrina Grimm is under the protection of the Trickster King,” a voice shouted. There was a flutter of wings
and Puck flew out of the house with sword in hand. He circled the witch while keeping an eye on the bizarre house stomping around in the front yard. “Leave her be, or you will face the wrath of the Blood King of Faerie, the Prince of the Wrong Side of the Tracks, the beacon of hope for all good-for-nothings, slackers, and delinquents. The spiritual leader of—”

  Before Puck could finish his boasting, Baba Yaga raised her free hand. An eruption of energy shot out of her palm and slammed into the fairy boy’s chest. The impact was so powerful, it sent him flailing across the yard and far into the field on the other side of the street.

  Granny, Daphne, Uncle Jake, and Elvis charged outside.

  “Put her down, Old Mother,” Granny Relda demanded, though she was rather unintimidating in curlers and fuzzy slippers.

  “Your nestling has stolen from me, Relda,” Baba Yaga bellowed.

  “Put her down, witch,” Uncle Jake said. “You’re not the only one around here who can wield magic.”

  Baba Yaga sneered. “Your threats are like the buzzing of a mosquito. Stand still and I’ll swat you.”

  Suddenly, something huge, brown, and furry raced past Sabrina. It slammed into Baba Yaga and the witch crashed to the ground. The assault seemed to break the witch’s concentration, and the suffocating grip on Sabrina’s throat vanished. She fell to the porch and clutched her neck, forcing air into her burning lungs. Tears filled her eyes, making the world a blur, but she knew what had attacked the witch. Mr. Canis was out of his room, and he was angry.

  “I’m standing still. Why don’t you swat me?” Canis said as he hovered over the old hag.

  Baba Yaga shrieked in rage. She raised her hands and a ball of crackling energy appeared in her palm. Mr. Canis flew backward, smacking roughly against the house, and let out a painful groan. The impact was so violent, Sabrina was sure even Mr. Canis couldn’t walk away from it. But with animallike speed and reflexes, he leaped forward, snatched Baba Yaga off the ground in one of his huge hands, and tossed her at her own house. The crash was devastating. She smashed through the front wall of her shack, leaving a gaping hole between the two filthy windows. The shutters fluttered like eyelids trying to remove a troublesome speck of dust.