Magic and Other Misdemeanors (The Sisters Grimm, Book 5) Page 3

  "Why? What's wrong with Ms. Rose?" Sabrina asked her sister.

  "Charming used to be married to her," Daphne whispered. "Awkward," Sabrina whispered back.

  "I think I need some wine. Who wants some wine?" Snow White offered as she got to her feet. "Um, I'm seven," Daphne said.

  "Of course you are," Snow White said, walking toward the kitchen.

  Uncle Jake strutted into the room and over to Ms. Rose. At once Buzzflower and Mallobarb stepped between them, blocking Jake as if they were linebackers protecting a star quarterback.

  "Poor Uncle Jake," Sabrina said.

  "He's got the googly eyes for Briar," Daphne replied as she gave Elvis's ears a good scratching. The big dog's back leg tapped the floor happily. "You know what? I think we need to find Elvis a girlfriend."

  Elvis snorted, got up with a grunt, and skulked out of the room.

  "What did I say?" Daphne cried.

  "I guess he's a bachelor," Sabrina said.

  Someone knocked on the door, and Granny rushed through the room to answer it. Sabrina and Daphne watched as a sun-soaked blond woman and an elderly man with a cane entered the house. Sabrina didn't recognize either of them.

  "Cindy! Tom! What a pleasant surprise. Please come in," Granny said. "Let me take your jackets."

  Cindy was another rare beauty. She had a button nose and high, freckled cheekbones and a smile so bright it seemed to block out the rest of her face. Tom, on the other hand, was well into his eighties, with a gaunt face and shaking hands. He leaned on his long brown cane and held a leather satchel close to his body. He wore a tweed jacket and an old-fashioned felt hat.

  "I hope we're not intruding," Cindy said.

  "I heard about the get-together and I insisted we come over. I thought we might be able to help," Tom offered.

  "The more the merrier," Granny said cheerfully.

  "And if we can't help, at least we can do the dishes at the end of the night," Tom said as he set his bag on the floor near the couch.

  "Cindy, Tom, I think you know everyone here but my granddaughters," Granny Relda said, gesturing at the girls. "Sabrina, Daphne, this is Mr. Baxter and his wife, Dr. Baxter."

  "Are you Everafters?" Daphne said, shaking the old man's hand.

  Tom laughed. "Alas no, but my wife falls into that category."

  Daphne cocked her eyebrow and gazed at the woman.

  "I'm Cinderella," Cindy said as if slightly embarrassed.

  Daphne let out a squeal so loud that everyone in the house fell silent. Even Elvis rushed back into the room and looked around wildly.

  "Sorry," Sabrina said to the crowd. "She was dropped on her head when she was little."

  Daphne inserted the palm of her hand into her mouth and bit down on it. It was one of the odd quirks she displayed when she was excited or happy or both.

  "Yobubbaingalllah," Daphne said.

  "Pardon?" Cindy said.

  Daphne removed her palm. "I'm so excited I might barf!"

  Cindy smiled. "It's very nice to meet you girls. Your father was--I mean, is--one of my favorite people."

  "He has such a kind spirit," Tom added.

  "We're big fans too," Sabrina said, shaking the man's hand.

  "Cindy hosts a radio show here in town," Granny explained. "Or should I be calling you Dr. Cindy?"

  "Cindy's fine," the woman said with a laugh.

  "We've got good news. We're about to go national," Tom said proudly. "Soon

  The Dr. Cindy Show will be giving advice to people all over the country."

  "What kind of advice?" Sabrina asked.

  "My specialty is family issues," Cindy replied. "I had a bit of a rough childhood, and I use my experiences to help families get along."

  Elvis trotted over to the old man's bag, sniffed it, and let out a whine. Granny grabbed him by the collar and pulled him away. "Elvis, behave," she said. The dog let out a little grunt but did as he was told.

  While Granny put Elvis in the kitchen, Sabrina watched the old man slip his hand into his wife's. He looked at her the way someone looks at a beautiful waterfall. Sabrina had seen that look on her parents' faces and in the photographs of her grandmother and grandfather. Cindy looked back at her husband with the same expression.

  They've got the googly eyes,

  Sabrina thought.

  Puck made his entrance in typical fashion. He stepped into the middle of the room and let out a tremendous belch. "I'm here!" he shouted, as if the crowd had been waiting for his arrival. When no one responded, he turned to Sabrina.

  "I'm not a happy camper. I look like a fool," he said. He was wearing the shirt Granny Relda had asked him to wear. It had a little happy alligator on it, but Puck had taken a magic marker and written i eat people in a talk balloon above its head.

  "It's a nice shirt," Sabrina said, trying to cheer the boy up.

  Puck sneered. '"It's a nice shirt,'" he mocked. "I am the most diabolical villain in the history of the world. I have caused chaos and disaster everywhere I have gone. I have brought nations to their knees. I can't be seen in this shirt. For one, the alligator is smiling. If you wish me to wear a shirt with a man-eating beast on it, the beast should be eating a man, or at least a bear or something equally vicious. This alligator looks as if it's ready for some birthday cake. If Jonas the Betrayer saw me, I would never live it down."

  "Jonas the Betrayer?" Daphne asked.

  Sabrina shrugged.

  "Well, I think we are all here," Granny said before Puck could continue his tirade. She stood in the center of the living room and called for everyone's attention. "I appreciate each one of you for taking the time to come and offer your suggestions for our dilemma. I know that you are all very busy, and it's not exactly a good time to be talking to a Grimm."

  "Mayor Heart isn't going to tell us who we can talk to," Morgan le Fay said.

  The crowd murmured in agreement.

  "Thank you," Granny said. "As you all know, my family has a reputation as problem-solvers. Many of you have come to us for help. Now, we have a problem and we are turning to you. Tonight I'm asking you to put your heads together and find a way around the spell keeping my son and his wife asleep."

  Just then, there was another knock at the door.

  "Oh, a late arrival. Sabrina, could you answer that for me?" Granny asked.

  Sabrina hurried to the door, not wanting to miss a second of the meeting. She threw the door open but nearly fell backward when she saw who was waiting on the other side. A decrepit old woman dressed in filthy rags peered at her through bushy white eyebrows. She smelled of death. Behind her a rundown shack resting on top of two enormous chicken legs paced back and forth around the family's yard.

  "Baba Yaga!" Sabrina gasped.

  The old crone eyed Sabrina with a hot and angry stare. Every wrinkle, wart, and scar seemed to convey the witch's bitter hatred.

  "I was invited," she growled as she pushed past Sabrina to enter the house. A fold of Baba Yaga's black gown brushed across Sabrina's hand and made her fingers feel as if she had plunged them into a pot of boiling water.

  Sabrina closed the door and followed the witch into the living room. Baba Yaga's arrival caused a few of the guests to shuffle uncomfortably. A few even cried out, startled by the hateful woman's presence, but Granny Relda welcomed the old crone warmly and reminded everyone that Baba Yaga was wise to a number of magical secrets. After some grumbling, the guests agreed.

  So the odd little party began. The guests discussed every option they could think of. They went up and down the stairs, peeking in on Sabrina's dozing parents, suggesting this spell and that potion, recommending a number of spirits and ancient druidic incantations. Granny Relda followed everyone around, jotting down every idea in the spiral-bound notebook she always kept handy. Mr. Seven suggested that if Charming could be found, he might be the key to waking them up, as his kiss had a reputation for breaking sleeping spells. Sabrina was willing to give it a try until Briar mentioned that the touch of Charm
ing's lips might also make Veronica Grimm fall madly in love with him--as it had done with her. Blushing, Snow White and Cinderella both agreed. It was decided that Charming should be a last resort, as it seemed that his remedy was a package deal. And unless the girls wanted him as a new stepfather, they had to look for another solution.

  As the day turned into night, the suggestions petered out. And then the meeting was over. The green cookies were eaten and the punch bowl was emptied. The guests wished the Grimms luck and flew off into the night (some literally), and soon the family was alone again, with no surefire solution.

  Discouraged, Sabrina crept up to bed. Uncle Jake followed her up the steps with Daphne cradled in his arms. The little girl was sound asleep. Her tiara had slipped down around her neck.

  "We're not giving up, 'Brina," Uncle Jake whispered as Sabrina crawled into bed.

  "I know," Sabrina said, doing her best imitation of a positive attitude.

  Her uncle flipped off the light and closed the door. Sabrina lay waiting for her eyes to adjust to the darkness, waiting to see the little model airplanes that her father had made when he was a boy, waiting for the slope of the ceiling to come into view. She closed her eyes tight and fought back a tear. She was so tired of waiting.

  * * *

  Sabrina wasn't sure what time it was when she was roused from a deep sleep by someone banging on the door downstairs. She looked over at her snoring sister and crawled out of bed.

  "I'll get it," she grumbled.

  She crossed the room and went down the steps, feeling the cool hardwood floor beneath her feet. With every step the knocking grew louder and more insistent. As Sabrina turned the doorknob it occurred to her that maybe she should let an adult open the door in the middle of the night. But it was too late. She was already face-to-face with Baba Yaga.

  "Did you forget your purse or something?" Sabrina asked.

  "You are a thief!" the witch said, pointing her withered finger at Sabrina. Suddenly, an unseen force snatched the girl around the neck and yanked her out of the house and off the ground. "Give it back to me, or I'll break your bones like kindling and feast on their marrow."

  With the invisible viselike grip choking her, Sabrina couldn't breathe, let alone deny the witch's accusation. Helpless and lightheaded, she dangled above the ground with her legs kicking wildly.

  "If you return what you took, I promise to kill you quickly," Baba Yaga added.

  "Hag, Sabrina Grimm is under the protection of the Trickster King," a voice shouted. There was a flutter of wings and Puck flew out of the house with sword in hand. He circled the witch while keeping an eye on the bizarre house stomping around in the front yard. "Leave her be, or you will face the wrath of the Blood King of Faerie, the Prince of the Wrong Side of the Tracks, the beacon of hope for all good-for-nothings, slackers, and delinquents. The spiritual leader of--"

  Before Puck could finish his boasting, Baba Yaga raised her free hand. An eruption of energy shot out of her palm and slammed into the fairy boy's chest. The impact was so powerful, it sent him flailing across the yard and far into the field on the other side of the street.

  Granny, Daphne, Uncle Jake, and Elvis charged outside.

  "Put her down, Old Mother," Granny Relda demanded, though she was rather unintimidating in curlers and fuzzy slippers.

  "Your nestling has stolen from me, Relda," Baba Yaga bellowed.

  "Put her down, witch," Uncle Jake said. "You're not the only one around here who can wield magic."

  Baba Yaga sneered. "Your threats are like the buzzing of a mosquito. Stand still and I'll swat you."

  Suddenly, something huge, brown, and furry raced past Sabrina. It slammed into Baba Yaga and the witch crashed to the ground. The assault seemed to break the witch's concentration, and the suffocating grip on Sabrina's throat vanished. She fell to the porch and clutched her neck, forcing air into her burning lungs. Tears filled her eyes, making the world a blur, but she knew what had attacked the witch. Mr. Canis was out of his room, and he was angry.

  "I'm standing still. Why don't you swat me?" Canis said as he hovered over the old hag.

  Baba Yaga shrieked in rage. She raised her hands and a ball of crackling energy appeared in her palm. Mr. Canis flew backward, smacking roughly against the house, and let out a painful groan. The impact was so violent, Sabrina was sure even Mr. Canis couldn't walk away from it. But with animallike speed and reflexes, he leaped forward, snatched Baba Yaga off the ground in one of his huge hands, and tossed her at her own house. The crash was devastating. She smashed through the front wall of her shack, leaving a gaping hole between the two filthy windows. The shutters fluttered like eyelids trying to remove a troublesome speck of dust.

  Uncle Jake helped Sabrina to her feet. "What did you do that's got her so mad?" he asked.

  Sabrina choked. "She thinks I stole something from her."

  Just then, Baba Yaga appeared in one of her windows. "She has been touched!" she screamed, pointing directly at Sabrina.

  "You're mucho-crazy-o!" Daphne cried as she struggled to hold Elvis back from attacking the witch. "Worse, you're mean. My sister didn't steal anything from you. Leave her alone or things are going to get ugly." The little girl stepped into her attack stance and made her "warrior face"--a slightly comical expression she believed people found intimidating. Luckily, Granny Relda was nearby to grab Daphne and Elvis and pull them into the house.

  "Give me my possession or I'll destroy this house and everyone in it," Baba Yaga screamed.

  "We have no idea what you are talking about," Granny insisted.

  "The Wand of Merlin!" the witch said. "Your nestling has stolen it."

  "I didn't take anything from her!" Sabrina cried. "I wouldn't come near her stinking house for a million bucks!"

  "Liar! Thief!" Baba Yaga shrieked.

  "I believe Sabrina," Granny cried. "She has not been out to your home. Someone else must have taken it. If you want our help getting your wand back, all you have to do is ask, but you're not to come here and threaten my family. I don't care who you are."

  Baba Yaga disappeared from her window. A moment later, the front door of her house flew open and she scurried into the Grimms' yard, pointing her gnarled, wart-covered finger at Sabrina. "She--"

  "I have never lied to you, Old Mother," Granny interrupted.

  Baba Yaga stopped in her tracks. She eyed Granny Relda skeptically, then looked over at Mr. Canis. "You will find the wand?"

  Granny nodded. "We'll come out to see you in the morning and then we'll get to the bottom of this."

  "Fine!" Fine.

  The witch turned and hobbled back into her house. A moment later it rose up on its haunches, turned, and lumbered back across the street. It disappeared into the woods, leaving a trail of black chimney smoke in its wake.

  Moments later, Puck streaked back into the yard and landed with his sword clenched tightly in his hand. "Where did she go?

  "She's gone," Sabrina said.

  "Coward! Of course she ran off," Puck crowed. "She attacked me when I wasn't ready and then ran back to her woods! Miserable sissy!"

  "Well, you can settle your dispute with her tomorrow. We're going for a visit," Granny said.

  Sabrina turned to her grandmother. "If you think I'm going to that lunatic's house, you're as crazy as she is."

  * * *

  "This is crazy!" Sabrina shouted as she squished through the mud with her grandmother, Daphne, and Puck. A fresh rain had soaked the woods, turning the forest floor into a swamp. Puck followed Sabrina with his sword in his hand. He muttered to himself about what he planned to do to Baba Yaga when he confronted her, while occasionally remembering to insult Sabrina.

  "I hear she eats people, Grimm," he said. "I bet she turns you all into jerky!"

  "I don't want to be jerky," Daphne cried.

  "No one is going to get turned into jerky," Granny said. "This is going to be nice and pleasant."

  "That's what people always say before they become jerk
y," Puck said. "Don't worry, folks. I've got a score to settle with the witch. She'll regret the day she laid a hand on the Trickster King."

  Puck's boasting made Sabrina nervous. Baba Yaga had a two-thousand-year-old reputation for black magic and an even blacker mood. The family journals were filled with rumors of her cannibalism and murders. The last time Sabrina visited her creepy house, Sabrina had had to hop for her life when Baba Yaga turned her into a frog and tried to eat her. The last thing they needed was for Puck to start a fight with the old crone.

  They walked until they came upon a part of the forest where the thin, dead trees were close together, their limbs intertwined, as if they were holding one another at the moment of their deaths. Though there was nothing to block the sunshine, the area was dark and gray. Not a blade of grass sprang from the ground. Sabrina realized that the natural sounds of the forest were also gone: the scurrying of animals, the wind in the branches, the crackling of earth beneath their feet--all silenced.

  They continued on and soon found themselves on a path of bleached stones. Sabrina had followed it once before and knew where it led--straight to the man-eating witch. She also knew that the stones of the path were not what they seemed. It wasn't long before Puck noticed they were peculiar as well.

  "These are human skulls!" he cried, digging one out of the ground and holding it up to the group.

  "Don't be frightened, Puck," Granny said.

  "Frightened? This is the coolest thing I've ever seen!" the boy said. He moved the skull's jaw up and down like a spooky puppet and then stuck it next to Daphne's face. "Hey, little girl, how about a smooch?"

  Daphne shrieked and hid behind her sister. Granny Relda scolded Puck and demanded he return the skull to the path.

  "What happened to your claims of revenge, Trickster King?" Sabrina asked the fairy. "All of a sudden Baba Yaga is like a movie star to you."