NERDS: National Espionage, Rescue, and Defense Society Page 19

  Mr. Dehaven smiled. “Mr. Jones, Mr. Jones, Mr. Jones. Are you sure we’re talking about the same Jackson Jones? The one I know is constantly tardy and disrespectful, and lacks commitment to his work. Listen, I appreciate you coming down here, but Jackson is a failure in my book and he’s run out of chances.”

  “I was afraid you would say that, so I brought someone else who is hoping you’ll reconsider,” Jackson’s father said.

  Jackson’s father put his fingers into his mouth and blew a shrill whistle. A second later, Butch raced into the room and came to a halt in front of Dehaven. He eyed the man and let out a low, threatening growl.

  “I’ll just let you two talk,” Jackson’s father said as he got up from his chair, walked out, and closed the door behind him.

  Ten minutes later Jackson Jones moved on to the sixth grade.

  WELL, YOU MADE IT! I CAN’T

  BELIEVE IT. NO ONE CAN

  BELIEVE IT, BUT HERE YOU ARE.

  THE REST OF THE TEAM HAS

  ASKED ME TO CONGRATULATE

  YOU. YOU’RE NOW AN OFFICIAL

  MEMBER OF THE NATIONAL

  ESPIONAGE, RESCUE, AND

  DEFENSE SOCIETY.

  THERE’S ONLY ONE MORE THING

  WE NEED FROM YOU …

  YOUR CODE NAME. YOU CAN TELL ME WHAT IT IS, BUT NO ONE ELSE. OKAY. GOT IT.

  THAT’S IT.

  THE BOOK IS OVER.

  REALLY, THERE’S NOTHING

  MORE TO TELL.

  GO OUTSIDE AND PLAY.

  YOU NEED SOME FRESH AIR.

  Acknowledgments

  Many people helped me bring NERDS to life. Revealing them will put their lives at great risk, but I still feel they deserve a hearty thank-you. First and foremost, my editor, Susan Van Metre (code name: Bookworm). Her imagination was just as important to this book as mine. I also want to thank my wife and literary agent, Alison Fargis (code name: Brainstorm), who demanded that I write it. Jason Wells (code name: Headliner) deserves a lot of credit for his tireless efforts to get these books into the right hands. I’d also like to thank Ethen Beavers (code name: Comicstrip) for his amazing art and for agreeing to come on this roller coaster with me. Joe Deasy (code name: Dr. Jeopardy) continues to be an amazing sounding board, and much awe and admiration to Chad W. Beckerman (code name: Masterpiece), whose inspired art direction produced a truly one-of-a-kind book. Special thanks to Howard Sanders and Lauren Meltzner (code names: Holly-Mood and Vine) at UTA. I also want to thank all the bullies who picked on me when I was a skinny, nervous kid. If it hadn’t been for you, I wouldn’t have hidden in the library and found my true calling.

  About the Author

  Michael Buckley a former member of NERDS, now spends his time writing. In addition to the top secret file you are holding, Michael has written the New York Times bestselling Sisters Grimm series, which has been published in more than twenty languages. He has also created shows for Discovery Channel, Cartoon Network, Warner Bros., TLC, and Nickelodeon. He lives with his wife and their son, but if he told you where, he’d have to kill you.

  This book was art directed and designed by Agent Chad W. Beckerman. The illustrations were created by Agent Ethen Beavers.

  FINE. I’LL GIVE YOU

  A PEEK AT THE NEXT

  NERDS CASE FILE.

  BUT YOU HAVE TO

  BUY THE REST!

  M is for Mama’s Boy

  By Michael Buckley

  Read NERDS: Book Two today!

  Simon’s plan was not going exactly the way he wanted. He was trapped on a tiny ledge on the side of an enormous ice mountain at the top of the world—the North Pole, to be exact. The temperature was just above negative 35 degrees Fahrenheit, and in all directions there was little more than glaciers and drifting ice sheets. Firm ground was nearly a mile above, and the deadly cold waters of the Arctic Ocean were far below. He had been stranded on the ledge for two days, freezing, starving, and desperate for water. No, things were not going as planned at all!

  Still, Simon (formerly known as Choppers, formerly known as Heathcliff Hodges) refused to ask his goon for a rescue. In his effort to become an evil mastermind, Simon had read many books, including one by business tycoon Donald Trump. It had argued that you should never let your underlings know you need help. It undermined their respect for you. No. He would save himself.

  He pulled himself to his feet and balanced precariously on the tiny ledge. He searched the surface of the mountain for a handhold just as he had done so many times before, and once again he found nothing. Was he doomed to die? He went over everything he had ever been taught during his time as a secret agent. The NERDS headquarters was filled to the brim with gadgets that would save his life: grappling guns, antigravity sneakers, and much more. He had no gadgets with him. Right now he’d have settled for something as simple as a rope.

  He thought of his former teammates, especially Duncan. He would be able to stick to the ice and climb to the top with ease. What good were Simon’s huge front teeth when there was no one around to hypnotize? But what had the hopelessly incompetent Agent Brand said to the team? “You don’t need gadgets. You are the gadgets.” That was it! Simon was the gadget. He slammed his face into the ice, driving his enormous front teeth deep into the mountain. Alternately using his teeth and the heavy cleated boots he wore, he began to slowly climb the mountain.

  Perhaps Simon should have been grateful for his amazing upgrades and his many hours of training, but that wasn’t how he felt. He was boiling mad. Sure, being a member of NERDS had been exciting, but because the work was secret, when the young spies weren’t out on a mission, they went right back to being picked on by their classmates. He and the others had suffered hundreds of wet willies, power wedgies, and flicked ears, but had they ever fought back? NO! They had to protect their identities and the work they did around the world. Well, it was all bunk! What was the point of having superpowers if you couldn’t fight the bullies who tormented you? One day, while the school’s resident meanie was dunking his head in a toilet, Simon realized that knuckleheads would always torment people like him. The only way to change it would be to change everything. He decided to destroy the world. With society in shambles, people would be forced to rely on those with great intelligence—namely, himself. Once again, reading and learning would be held in high regard and people like Simon would be admired rather than abused and humiliated.

  But his brilliant plan had been foiled by his own teammates. Of all the people in the world, he was sure his former friends would join him. They were misfits, outcasts, spazzes—they’d been bullied, stuffed in lockers, and forced to hand over their milk money on a daily basis. But Simon had failed to see the effect Duncan Dewey had on the others. The chubby kid had always been a walking ball of positive energy. The abuse he suffered time and time again seemed to roll right off his back. And his grating optimism had infected the team. They acted as if Simon had betrayed them!

  Simon’s thirst for revenge kept him going through the painful climb, and after several hours he was close to the summit. At the top, he hoped to find the remains of Dr. Jigsaw’s secret fortress, or at least some clothing and food. But when he was only a few inches away from the top, the mountain shook violently. He bit hard on the ice with what was left of his strength, knowing full well the source of the tremors. Jigsaw’s continental-shift machine was still active and was forcing the mountain farther into the sky. There was another quake, and this time his teeth could not hold on. The next thing he knew he was falling—down, down, down into the sea. He hit the waves with a painful splash and, exhausted, he sank into the icy black abyss.

  For Simon, death seemed immediate, but fate had another plan for him. It flash froze him like a fish stick. His heartbeat slowed to an almost undetectable rhythm, as did his brain function. Every molecule in his body crystallized, and a block of ice quickly formed around him, turning him into an ice cube of evil. For weeks he floated south with the currents, bumping into ice floes around Iceland and G
reenland, drifting past Canada and right down the eastern seaboard of the United States. Several lobster boats tried to reel him in, but the block was simply too heavy, and by the time Coast Guard officials got there to investigate, Simon had drifted away. The cube shrank a bit as it bobbed along in the warm waters of the Florida Keys, and on down past Cuba. Eventually, what was left of the chunk of ice washed ashore on a tiny, uninhabited island in the Caribbean Sea.

  The waves hurled it onto a pebbly beach where it was met by a squirrel with huge front teeth. Shocked by the cube’s sudden appearance, the squirrel fled into the jungle and didn’t return for three days. By then, the ice had melted considerably. When the squirrel mustered enough bravery, it hopped on top of the cube. It licked the ice and then spat the salty water out. Then, just as it was sure the ice posed no danger, nor any benefit, it peered into the crystal cube and saw Simon’s giant buckteeth. It let out a startled squeak and then began to dig at the ice with its little claws. Its excited chirps brought dozens of squirrels out of the jungle, and together they scratched and chipped at the ice, attempting to free the boy. Squirrels are not big thinkers, as a rule, but if one had read the minds of these particular squirrels, one would understand that they thought they had stumbled upon their god.

  ARE YOU SATISFIED NOW?

  GOOD! GET OUTTA HERE!