M Is for Mama's Boy Read online

  THAT FACE AND YOUR REGULAR

  FACE. THAT’S A RELIEF.

  WHAT I’M SAYING IS, YOU USE

  DIFFERENT TYPE FONTS TO HIGHLIGHT

  THE REAL SECRET MESSAGE.

  FOR INSTANCE, YOU COULD USE

  A BOLD FONT FOR THE LETTERS

  THAT ARE IMPORTANT TO YOUR

  REAL MESSAGE. TRY THIS ONE:

  OVER YONDER, UNDER THE FIR TREES,

  TRACKS WERE FOUND. THE AWFUL AND

  FOUL AROMA OF THE SABER-TOOTHED

  BADGER ARISES. VILE YELPS SOAR

  UNDER THE BROKEN MOON. TAKE

  YOUR CHILDREN. RUN

  FOR THE HILLS.

  I DON’T KNOW WHAT’S

  SCARIER . . . THE MESSAGE

  OR THE SECRET IT CONTAINS!

  “Why didn’t you shoot their sub with the harpoon gun?” Mama shrieked at Simon as they puttered toward the surface with their treasure.

  “Because I enjoy taunting them with their inadequacies,” Simon said.

  “But you’ve let them survive,” Mama cried. “Turn this thing around and do the job right.”

  “Mama!” Albert cried. He could have died from embarrassment.

  “I’m just saying, the only way to insure that good guys are no longer a threat to us is to see them die before our eyes.”

  Albert held his head in his hands and wondered how he had gotten into his current predicament. He was working for a prepubescent lunatic, a walking pile of muscles with a hook for a hand, and his own bloodthirsty mother. Were superpowers worth all this?

  Albert couldn’t help but think of the kids in the other submersible, fighting for their lives. They were brave. A bunch of kids who couldn’t have been older than twelve had tried to save the world. They were the real heroes.

  “Albert, you look sad,” Mama cried. “We just got a part for your big machine.”

  “Oh, yeah, that’s awesome,” Albert said, though he refused to look at her.

  When the submersible broke the surface, Mama leaped out of her seat.

  “Wait a minute! I’ve seen that boy!” she cried.

  “Which boy?” Simon asked.

  “The one who was driving the other sub. He lives right next door to me. His name is Duncan Dewey!”

  Duncan was surprised to find the Creature waiting for him in the Playground.

  “Dad, he’s back,” she said, as if disappointed that he’d arrived.

  Avery hopped up from a chair with a worried and tired expression on his face. He looked as if he hadn’t slept all night.

  “Huh?” Duncan said. “How did you all get in here?”

  “You’re not the only one who is good at spying, Duncan,” Tanisha said slyly.

  “Oh, thank heavens,” Aiah said as she peppered the boy’s face with tear-soaked kisses. “I don’t think I can handle this anymore, Duncan.”

  “Mom, I’m fine. What are you talking about?”

  “Ms. Nesbitt from next door came over to say she had heard you were in an accident and was very sorry,” Aiah said.

  Duncan and Flinch shared a knowing look. “Albert’s mom!” they said at the same time.

  “I thought you had been hurt, or worse,” Avery said. “I panicked.”

  “Duncan is alive and well,” Ms. Holiday said as she stepped into the room. “If you would like to take him home that’s fine, but unfortunately it will prevent him from receiving his new upgrades today.”

  Duncan’s father spun around on the librarian. “Let me get this straight: You sent my son on a dangerous mission without those things you put in him?”

  “He’s been fully trained as a—”

  “He’s a little boy!” Avery shouted. “The last guy who ran this place promised Duncan he would be safe. We only went along with this because we saw that he had been given the equivalent of superpowers. You’re telling me you’re sending him to die without any of that.”

  “Duncan is a very capable agent,” Ms. Holiday added.

  “Two years ago this kid was eating paste for money!” Avery shouted.

  “Avery!” his mother cried.

  “He what?” the Creature said.

  “I’m sorry, son,” Avery said. “I brought you to this school and allowed you to be in this program to give you a chance. You were supposed to be surrounded by geniuses and have access to ideas, technology, science! I didn’t bring you here to get killed. You’re done!”

  “Dad!”

  “Mr. Dewey, perhaps you are right,” Agent Brand said as he entered the room. “Duncan is an exceptional and brilliant boy, but maybe the life of an agent isn’t appropriate for him anymore.”

  “Alexander!” Ms. Holiday said in complete surprise. “Duncan is one of this country’s greatest assets!”

  “Find yourself another asset,” Avery said. “I’m taking Duncan home. He may wind up below average, but he’ll still be alive.”

  That night, Duncan lay in his room alone. His father had demanded that Duncan hand over the hovering blue orb that gave him access to Benjamin. Without it, he couldn’t activate his supercomputer or even access his holographic clothing store. He had no idea what he was going to wear to school the next day.

  Worse, no Benjamin also meant no security system in his bedroom. No cameras, no access codes, and no locks on his door. Shortly before ten, his door opened and the Creature crept inside.

  “Now you know how it feels,” she said.

  Duncan stared at her for a moment. “What do you mean?”

  “Without your powers you know how it feels to be me,” she said. “Average, ordinary, regular. Try being the sister of a superhero. Try being the sister of a genius. Try being the sister of a kid who is so amazing that teachers in her classes are already competing to get him as a student.”

  “You don’t have to be average,” Duncan said. “You could study. You could get involved in things at school. You could stop being sarcastic and ditch some of the losers you’ve been hanging out with.”

  There was a long, silent pause, and then his sister whispered. “So far, it’s the only way to get any attention around here.”

  She turned and closed the door behind her, leaving Duncan alone in the dark. He lay in his bed looking up at the glow-in-the-dark stars his father had glued to his ceiling when they first moved to the neighborhood. That was before he had become a spy or had his imagination inspired by technology. It was when he was just Duncan Dewey, a below-average kid from a below-average school in a below-average neighborhood who had a mother and father who hoped he would be something more. How could he go back to that now?

  Duncan did not know when he fell asleep, but he awoke to bright sunshine and someone screaming.

  “Benjamin!” he cried as he leaped out of bed. It took him a moment before he realized he no longer had access to his supercomputer. He scowled and threw open his door. Lights were flickering on and off. The television in the living room was changing channels by itself. The vacuum cleaner zipped down the hallway on its own power.

  Duncan found his family huddling beneath the kitchen table, under assault by appliances. The freezer door flew open, shooting out ice in all directions. The coffeemaker was spraying steaming hot brew around the room. And the toaster was firing blackened crusts like ninja stars.

  “What is going on?” Aiah cried. “Your machines are attacking us!”

  “I have no idea,” Duncan cried as he swiped the remote off the counter. Unfortunately, no matter how many buttons he pushed, the machines did not stop. “The system is not supposed to let this kind of thing happen. There are fail-safe programs.”

  The blender fell over and the razor-sharp blades flew out, nearly slicing off Duncan’s face.

  “We have to get you to safety,” Duncan cried, grabbing Tanisha by the hand and pulling her toward the front door. Aiah and Avery followed, dodging a DVD player that spit DVDs with deadly accuracy. The front door opened and shut like the jaws of a hungry tiger.

  “What is going on, son?” Avery cried
as the family managed to dodge the door and raced out onto the lawn.

  Duncan looked up the street. Standing on the corner was Ms. Nesbitt. She had her son’s ray gun and was aiming it at their house. He started to march in her direction when the lawn sprinkler system went off and blasted him in the face. The stream was so forceful, he fell backward.

  “Ms. Nesbitt, get inside. It’s dangerous out here,” Aiah shouted to her neighbor. She had no idea it was Ms. Nesbitt causing the chaos.

  “If you want to get something done, you have to send a woman,” Mama cried. Her face looked wild and angry. “I told Simon you kids would survive.”

  Just then, there was a loud siren and a booming voice: “Intruder! Intruder!” Then a panel slid away on the roof of their house and a rocket launcher was revealed.

  “Where did that come from?” Avery cried.

  “It was installed in the middle of the night last January,” Duncan explained. “There was some fear that if the truth was ever exposed about me, you would be in jeopardy. It was supposed to keep you safe from an attack. All the other kids have them.”

  “Get down!” Avery shouted as a rocket roared toward them. The family hit the ground, narrowly missing being skewered by the rogue missile. It crashed into a parked car across the street. The explosion blasted the innocent vehicle into a million pieces and sent choking oily smoke into the winter sky.

  “I feel so much safer,” the Creature cried.

  “Ms. Nesbitt is doing this! We have to get away from her,” Duncan shouted.

  “What does all of this have to do with our neighbor?” Avery asked.

  “Her son is a very, very bad person who created a machine that affects computers,” Duncan tried to explain. “It infects them with a virus that makes them susceptible to his commands. Turns out, Ms. Nesbitt is a very, very bad person too.”

  “Does it work on all machines?” Avery asked.

  “No, just ones with processors in them,” Duncan answered. “Why?”

  “Everyone get to the car,” Avery said. “There isn’t a silicone chip to be found in Ramona. I built her from the ground up. It’s all pistons and gas.”

  Duncan was stunned. It was a brilliant idea.

  The family raced to Avery’s Mustang and hopped inside. Avery turned over the engine and soon they were backing out of the driveway just as another missile launched from the roof. It narrowly missed them, allowing the family to tear off down the street.

  Duncan spun around in his seat only to see that Mama was hopping into her own car.

  “Don’t worry,” Avery said. “We’re safe. Ramona is one hundred percent computer free.”

  “I’m not worried about our car, Avery. I’m worried about all the others,” Aiah cried as a brand new electric car rolled out of its driveway on a collision course with them. Avery swerved in the nick of time, but more cars under Ms. Nesbitt’s control rolled onto the road to give chase. Duncan’s father slammed his foot on the gas and Ramona took off with a jolt. He handled the car like a seasoned NASCAR driver, turning down alleys and racing past highway entrances and along the river—doing everything he could to keep the family safe.

  “I can’t believe our neighbor is trying to kill us! Is this because we asked her to trim her hedges?” Avery cried.

  “Can’t you use any of your goofy spy stuff to help?” the Creature cried.

  Duncan shook his head. “Dad took me off the team,” he said. “I don’t have any of my old abilities.” He thought about what he would do with his nanobytes. He’d crawl out of the window, leap from car to car, and snatch the weapon out of that crazy woman’s hand. If only he had his nanobytes.

  And then Jackson’s face flashed in his mind. “Man up, Duncan.”

  He knew exactly what he had to do.

  “Dad, try to hold the car steady,” Duncan said as he rolled down the back window.

  “Why? What are you going to do?” Avery said.

  “It just dawned on me, Dad. I may not fit in with this family, but I’m still a member, and no one messes with the Deweys!” Duncan replied, then squeezed out of the speeding car before his mother could grab his ankle and stop him. The wind was fierce, and even before he got to his feet, he felt as if he might fall. He knew what he was doing was not the action of a sane person, but what other choice did he have? The world was full of technology and Albert’s mother could control it until she killed them all. He was just hoping his hands and feet remembered how nimble they could be, sticky or not.

  He stood swaying on the trunk of his dad’s car, then, taking a deep breath, he leaped onto the hood of the car right behind them. He scampered over the roof and onto the trunk before bracing himself and then taking another leap. On the next car he did the same, only this time his foot sank into the car’s soft top. It was a convertible! He pulled his foot free, then slid down onto the trunk, standing again to leap onto the hood of the truck right behind him. Duncan took a bad landing and could feel himself sliding off the front of the truck. He just managed to snatch the grill with his fingers. The metal dug into his skin, hurting more than anything he had ever imagined. What he wouldn’t have given for some sticky hands right then! With his feet skidding on the pavement under the truck, he managed to pull himself up and onto the hood again. He scrambled over the cab of the truck and then down into the bed. There he found several potted plants . . . and Ms. Nesbitt’s car directly behind him.

  Through her windshield he could see her maniacal face. Even Simon didn’t have that kind of evil in his eyes. He hefted up a potted plant and tossed it at Ms. Nesbitt’s car. It crashed down hard on her hood and exploded with shards of ceramic and clods of soil. She swerved and nearly drove into a ditch before she righted the car. Soon, she returned to her fevered pursuit.

  Duncan took another pot and tossed it. This one missed and smashed on the highway. He bent over for another, only to feel the truck screech to a halt. Duncan fell into the bed, slamming into the cab, then ricocheting out the back. He landed right on the hood of Ms. Nesbitt’s car.

  The two locked eyes, and Ms. Nesbitt threw her car into reverse and gunned the engine. Tires squealed and burned while Duncan snatched the windshield wipers and held on for his life. Mama spun the car around and tore off down the road, accelerating to sixty miles an hour. She turned the wheel one way and then the other, trying to shake off her unwanted passenger.

  Duncan reached his hand into the open window, hoping to snatch the ray gun, but Ms. Nesbitt pulled it away.

  “You know, you can forget having me mow your lawn anymore, lady!” Duncan shouted.

  Frustrated, he pulled the wiper blade off and used it to swat at the woman as she drove. All it did was further aggravate her, and she turned the car into oncoming traffic, all the while firing the ray gun so that cars weaved out of her way.

  “You’re not going to stop my Albert!” she cried as she gunned her engine once more. The sudden burst of speed was shocking, but Duncan was smart enough to know it meant something much worse. He turned and saw an auto carrier right in front of him. Ms. Nesbitt intended to ram it, which would certainly mean the end of Duncan Dewey. He braced himself, knowing it was all over, when, suddenly, there was a honk. He looked over and spotted his father’s car matching the woman’s, speed for speed. Avery edged the car as close as he could and Duncan leaped onto his hood just as the nasty neighbor rammed the truck. An SUV sitting on the upper tier of the auto carrier came loose and rolled back onto Ms. Nesbitt’s car, crushing her hood and bringing her car to a halt. She looked stunned but uninjured.

  When his father pulled over, Duncan hopped off of the car. “Stay here,” he told his family.

  Mama had climbed out and was still shaken, but Duncan could see that she was quickly recovering. She leveled the ray gun at a sports car nearby, but before she could send her computer virus, Duncan snatched the weapon from her hand. He eyed it with a grudging admiration. He could see it was a simple design, but the circuitry inside was the true genius. He could have studied
it all day, but the woman was already grabbing for it. He knew what he had to do. He tossed it to the ground and stomped on it hard. The ray gun was destroyed.

  “This isn’t over,” she said, shaking a finger at him. Then she ran over to a nearby pickup truck, yanked the driver out of his seat, hopped in, and drove away.

  Duncan’s family caught up to him as he watched her go.

  “Is there anything you want to tell us about the rest of our neighbors?” Avery said.

  Albert put on his new work uniform and studied himself in the mirror. The furry costume with its big fluffy tail was humiliating and made it impossible to sit down. But it was nothing compared to the giant buckteeth, attached by a string that wrapped around his mouth. Mama had simply refused and the goon wasn’t even asked. How did he wind up being the only one following the new dress code?

  He shrugged and studied the new designs for the giant ray gun. With just enough diamonds in their possession, the next step was finding the microchips. To process the information needed for the ray, he would need millions of them. Where was he going to get them?

  He had telephoned every microchip manufacturer in the world and no one could sell him nearly enough. Even when you added together the three largest manufacturers—the United States, China, and India—he still could not get a tenth of what he needed. It wasn’t a matter of cost. Simon had unlimited resources from all the banks he had robbed, not to mention the countless identities he had swiped using the ray gun on the Internet. There simply weren’t enough chips in the world.

  The boss would not be happy. His little face would turn bright red and his teeth—oh, those horrible teeth—would glow. Then some horrible cage full of dangerous animals would be rolled out and he would be tossed inside to his doom. Simon had shoved the pizza delivery guy into the komodo dragon tank when he was five minutes late delivering the Crazy Bread.

  Still, Albert couldn’t help but think his untimely death might be a blessing. He had more than his fair share of doubts about a world controlled by Simon. Mama had negotiated the partnership so that Albert would rule a little less than half of the planet, but most of it was ocean. He had never wanted to rule the world, not even half. All he wanted to do was be a hero. Dying might be a merciful substitute to living in a world he helped destroy.